I had a dream this weekend that I had to go meet with my dissertation advisor (whom I have not seen in 10 years) and tell him that we had somehow accidentally gotten married, and how could we fix this problem. Obvious much?

In the immortal words of David Bowie, "It's Monday."

ION, wtf? Also, didn't anybody think this might not be a good idea?

Church fakes teens' kidnapping using real gun

A southeastern Pennsylvania church subjected members of a youth group to a mock kidnapping and interrogations without telling them it was staged, and the outraged mother of one 14-year-old girl has filed a complaint with police.

...

But the pastor, John Lanza, said Friday there have been emails of support from other students at the church, about 10 miles southeast of Harrisburg, because the intent was to prepare them for what they might encounter as missionaries. He didn't disclose the names of those involved but said the mock kidnappers included an off-duty police officer and a retired Army captain.

...

Lanza said there were about 17 students at the meeting and the mock kidnappers covered the students' heads, put them in a van and interrogated them. Neither the students nor their parents were told about the raid beforehand, he said, though it was discussed with the parents of one youth who might have health issues.

TV station WHTM interviewed the girl who complained.

"They pulled my chair out from underneath me, and then they told me to get on the ground," she told the station. "I had my hands behind my back. They said, 'Just do as I say, and you won't be hurt.'"

The girl said the teens were taken to the pastor's house, where it appeared he was being assaulted. Eventually, she said, the adults in charge revealed it was a staged event.

Actually, there's a Christian camp (maybe the one featured in Jesus Camp) where they do the same thing, except it's the police or the US military who "arrest" the kids, to show them what might happen in the future to US Christians. (Yeah, right.)

ION, wtf? Also, didn't anybody think this might not be a good idea?

I am beginning to fear that nothing about humans can surprise me anymore. Want Buffista Island now.

Want Buffista Island now

Indeed. I'm back in the office, and (a) the meeting I dressed especially nice for today, complete with heels much taller than anything I've worn for the last two weeks, was pushed back for a week; (b) the coworker I asked to review & approve some reports on a quick turnaround didn't; (c) 3/4 of the office has been redirected to work on a project that got tripled in size and the deadline shortened by three weeks, so I won't be getting any help from my boss on practically anything until mid-June; (d) the new guy [who I haven't even met yet] lost his father last week--died in his sleep and he was only in his 60s; (e) the contract I put out for bid came back and it's way over our cost-estimate.

Can I go back to the land of tapas and cheap Rioja now?

Yikes, Consuela -- that's a lot for 9:30 in the morning!

Oh, ugh, Suela, that's a dreadful way to face even an ordinary Monday morning, let alone the first one back from Spain.

Dream report: I spent last night, for reasons unknown, hanging out with Ashton Kutcher and poking around in the back rooms of his apartment while he was out visiting his YiaYia (apparently he's half Greek and has an old granny to take care of). Among other things, I found that the Jackass tie-in novel he'd been reading was actually a copy of War and Peace whose inflammatorily smarty-pants cover he had disguised with Jackass publicity shots, and that his storage room contained two impressively large museum-quality glass display cases filled with vintage red leather Ouiji boards and ceremonial Masonic scimitars.

I love jz's brain.

I did think I was dreaming that martin Sheen emailed me. I wake up and immediately check my email!

I just don't even I what. I actually kind of despise Ashton Kutcher (unless it turns out he's actually exactly like dream!Kutcher, but that's kind of doubtful).

And in news of our child's brain, Matilda has been watching The Golden Compass over and over and is resentful of Hec and me, to the point of tears, that we didn't name her Serafina Pekkala.

I think Ashton is smarter than he looks.(I remember reading about what he studied in college and being pleasantly surprised.) but he'd kind of have to be smarter than he looks.