I've never praised my kids a lot.

I do make sure they feel very loved. I'm not stingy with love.

But especially when they want some ego-strokes for doing something that I think they're supposed to do, I usually just say, "Good job."

Emmett had a lot of success in baseball. He hit a grand slam in a district championship game, hit a game-winner in a sectional championship and tied for the team lead in RBIs on a state championship team. But, the two things I really praised him for in baseball were (a) dealing with his fear of getting hit by the ball in that same season where he had those successes; (b) his catching in the state championship game which was not about talent but all about hard hard work, blocking dozens of pitches in the dirt with the tying run on base.

The one thing I will praise a lot is kindness and thoughtfulness. Otherwise, "Good job."

When I was an instructional coach we did a ton of stuff around the Dweck research. It's interesting and noteworthy and hard to implement.

I think parents default to the "you're smart!" for a bunch of reasons including it's easy, it's pat, but also it's a piece of "you're a reflection of me." Which leads me to the wonderful and devastating piece in the NYT about the mom with a little one who has Tay-Sachs. If you haven't read it, you should.

I came in to check on msbelle post-world series game. I hope she's okay.

Allyson, I'm sorry about all of the stress and bad-stuff in your family. How is your mom holding up?

Oh Kat, I read that article and it broke my heart. I just...I don’t even know.

I don't either. I certainly am not a member of that spectrum, but she's a mom in my tribe, you know.

I realized this a few weeks ago, that parents of broken kids have a totally different bar. We don't do play dates because it's depressing as hell. We don't worry about whether or not our kid is going to learn enough to go to a great college. We don't even wonder what their kids will be like. Because, that's not what this is about for us. That's not what the future looks like for some of our kids. And there's a lot of those moms and dads out there who live with, "Can we make it today?"

I have been writing a story about a parent who looks at a kid who is broken and sick and damaged and walks away, not because they are heartless, but because they can't afford to love someone who will break their heart, not once or a hundred times, but every day they are alive, because they can't give up that hope.

That op-ed piece is wrenching and beautiful. I wonder what her book must be like.

Related depressing post:

This weekend at the marathon (which was a giant - to the tune of $118 million -- fundraiser for the leukemia and lymphoma society), I walked behind a mom who had a picture of her elementary aged son on her back who had died. I cannot imagine that. I was teary for a bit while walking behind her.

As hard as things with Grace can be, as frustrating and worry-filled, we are still so very blessed.

Happy birthday, Burrell and Calli!

I'm sorry about the excess of family drama, Allyson. I hope your mom is doing better.

I had a bad time my first two years of college, because I had never had to work at school work before. I didn't have the foggiest idea how. My problem certainly wasn't an excess of praise from my parents, though.

I know you aren’t a hugging kind of person, but I want to hug you right now. I promise to do so from my current 3000 mile distance.

I had a bad time my first two years of college, because I had never had to work at school work before. I didn't have the foggiest idea how.

That's the one thing I wish my students would learn before they leave my class. So I spend a lot of time pushing kids to do work of the harder type.

I had a mom complain about what I ask kids to do at back to school night and I told her, "I'm teaching your kids the way I want my own kids to be taught. When I look around at my colleagues, I see parents who send their own kids to private schools while they teach your kid here in ways they wouldn't want for their own children. I teach the way I was taught at an all girl's private school and it's the way I want my kids taught."

But I have a well earned rep for having the hardest class in the school and it's hard for my straight A students as well. If they work, though, they won't fail.

My rude awakening came in high school. I had a couple semesters of unexpected grades.