'Soul Purpose'
[NAFDA] Spike-centric discussion. Lusty, lewd (only occasionally crude), risqué (and frisqué), bawdy (Oh, lawdy!), flirty ('cuz we're purty), raunchy talk inside. Caveat lector.
Maria, I very much identify with how you feel right now. It's very similar to how I felt (and still feel) about S. The circumstances are very different, but I recognize the emotions on a very personal level. I would try to express myself better, but this is the best I can do from my phone on a bus.
Edited, because I meant to say different, not current.
things that never bothered me (like the dark) are huge right now.
When Hubby's out of the house, I'm suddenly timid about things that don't ping me when he's a couple of rooms away. I try very hard not to think about living alone.
hold up. Lee! You officiate?
Since when?
Congratulations Juliana! How wonderful. Many happy years for both of you.
Congratulations, Juliana! Stealth wedding!
Whoa! Congratulations, Juliana! Pictures?
Congrats, Juliana!
And there are songs I'm probably never going to listen to again.
20 years, and I haven't listened to It's So Hard To Say Goodbye (I have difficulty typing the title and keeping my composure) outside of two funerals. I'll leave the room, talk madly, mutter to myself, shoot the radio, whatever it takes to get away from that song.
It's the only song I own on CD that's not on any of my iTunes installs. My completist streak is not masochistic.
I'm consumed with the sense that I am utterly alone now. I don't have my partner. And I hate it.
There's a whole genre of music I can't listen to anymore. Siouxsie and the Banshees comes on the radio, I still have to turn it off.
Nothing can replace him, Maria, but use us as you need to.
{{{Maria}}} It's so hard. I liken it to being half of a team of oxen and now you have to pull alone so you keep turning in circles, if you move at all.
I don't want to tell you it gets better or easier because that doesn't seem accurate to my experience, but you get better at coping with it and the challenges change.
I'm just starting to listen to music again, within the last couple of months. And it's still weird. And it was only when I started actually enjoying comedies again that I realized I hadn't for a long time.