I don't see any signs that you're taking after your mother, Teppy
I think with kids it would be a whole different ballgame. I'm more or less okay in how I interact with people now (although, truly, I have a lot of her more narcissistic qualities; despite how much I try to hide it, I do tend to make things All About Me at every possible opportunity), but I think with children it would be vastly, vastly different.
I mean, thank you all for what you've said -- that's very kind. But I know myself, and I know what lives under my metaphorical bed.
I think everyone makes things All About Me. Civilized people learn not to act on every impulse and not say everything that comes into their heads.
I worry about the same thing, Teppy. But I want to have kids in order to be a better parent to them.
But I want to have kids in order to be a better parent to them.
Well -- and I don't know if I can say this in a non-convoluted way -- the fear of becoming my mom is a big reason I don't want to have kids, but even if I were 100% sure I would never become my mom, I still don't want to have kids.
So, it's a big reason, but even if it were able to be alleviated, it's not the only reason.
Unrelated to my always-entertaining mother, or to my fears of becoming same, I have a doctor appointment at 2:30 today to see about this nagging pain in my hip. It's also in my low back, so I'm assuming it's a muscle thing rather than a hip joint in need of replacement.
If I stretch, and roll on a tennis ball for the trigger points, and move around a lot, it really helps. Yesterday during the day I was pretty much fine. But then trying to sleep -- IOW, staying immobile in possibly non-ergonomical positions for 6-8 hours in a row -- leaves me in serious pain in the morning.
Plus, I've noticed at work -- where I sit for long periods at a time -- that when I stand up I can often feel my lower-back muscles spasming.
I've been using a heating pad, and hot baths, along with the aforementioned stretching and whatnot, and it's not quite getting rid of it. So I'm hoping some flexiril will get it the rest of the way gone.
(Pretty sure I caused it by [1] walking too much, [2] in really bad shoes for walking.) (We might also need a new mattress.)
Dang, what a bitch.
I'm just saying...my mother would never say that.
My dad seems to have gotten a similar memo that civility does not apply to family members.
It's not right.
Ambivalent about myself as parent-prospect, although it's not likely to happen for many reasons now.
Dang, what a bitch. I'm just saying...my mother would never say that.
Nah, it's a pretty accurate description. It's always a carnival with her, I tell you what.
I have absolutely no worries about P-Cow or Teppy's theoretical potential as parents. You are both sane, kind and non-sociopathic, plus you've had plenty of instruction on how
not
to parent. Which is what a lot of people use to guide them. My parents were okay in most respects, (less so in others) but I definitely have opted to NOT do many of the things my parents did and I'm a better dad for it.
Beyond that, nobody really knows what kind of parent they'll be until they have to do it. It's uncharted territory and you're not prepared for it. You learn it as you go and you change because of it. Having the responsibilities of parenthood will change you so much more than you can imagine before it happens.
My mother likes to say that whenever she wondered what to do when raising my brother and me, she would ask herself, "What would my mother do?" and then do the opposite. And I can attest to the fact that she generally made the right choices and is a pretty awesome mom. So I can see how having that example of what NOT to do can actually be useful and instructive.
Also, though, I am all in favor of people who don't want to have kids not having them, so Teppy, please don't take this as me trying to convince you to do something you don't want to do!
