I don't have issues with my first name, because every third person my age is named it. But I do with my last name, where I say, "Yeah, just like it sounds." Then they laugh. Then I say, "I married into it, I knew what I was getting." Eight hundred times.

But with my maiden name it didn't matter if I said it and spelled it and freaking held their hand as they wrote it, they would still get it wrong. Even though it was very very simple. It was furrin and therefore confusing, before they even tried.

When I spell out my last name for people, even if I do it where I say one letter, wait for them to write that letter, and then I say the next letter, there are still a significant number of people who will decide to add extra letters. Always in the same place. I say "i," and they write "in" and look up to get the next letter. (Which is a g, but there's no n before the g. It's an ig, not an ing.)

who will decide to add extra letters. Always in the same place. I say "i," and they write "in" and look up to get the next letter. (Which is a g, but there's no n before the g. It's an ig, not an ing.)

I think people's brains are wired for pattern recognition and so they lunge ahead with what "sounds right" to them based on everything they've read/heard their whole lives. My father cannot EVER pronounce the drug Ambien properly, even though he's taken it for years. He always, every time, says "ambience." Not on purpose; that's just the word that got installed in his brain first, and it wins every time. (He does that with a LOT of words, actually. It frustrates me to no end, but I know it's not a deliberate thing. [That said, his inability to get some words right led to him telling a doctor he was allergic to a drug called "Bextrim." There is no such drug; there is Bextra and there is Bactrim. Bextra was an antiinflammatory that was pulled from the market in 2005. Bactrim is an antibiotic. Dad is allergic to Bactrim. The doctor heard Bextra, and because it's no longer on the market, assumed that it wouldn't be a problem for Dad, because there would be no way he would be prescribed it. Which is very true. So Dad took Bactrim and ended up in the hospital for almost 2 weeks because he had severe gastrointestinal bleeding. I lost my shit, mostly at Dad, because, as I said, I know he doesn't do it deliberately, but when he says drug names wrong, it could KILL HIM.])

I can never type the word "ratio" without putting an "n" on the end. Don't know why; I have no preference for rations over ratios, but apparently my typing fingers do.

I can never type the word "ratio" without putting an "n" on the end. Don't know why; I have no preference for rations over ratios, but apparently my typing fingers do.

I've lost count of how many times I have had to correct myself after declaring that a patient received 2 regiments of chemotherapy.

I was once in a doctor's office filling out paperwork for my mother. She's just about blind and pretty much deaf ... so there we are, and I'm going through the list of medications they had questions about, and some I could figure she wasn't on, but we came to MAOIs and she said she wasn't sure, what was it, what was it for ... all this conducted at a shout in a crowded waiting room. Luckily, she had a list - a LONG list - of what she WAS taking.

Luckily, she had a list - a LONG list - of what she WAS taking.

Dad has that (and I have it, too), but I had to tell him to WRITE DOWN what he's allergic to and then give the actual, physical list to the doctor if he can't fucking say it right.

Which was not the nicest way to handle it, but seriously, he was bleeding from his stomach because he mispronounced a drug name.

My sleep psych took a few minutes to write down krav maga. Now, it's eight letters, and I enunciate well. The only reason that should have been so difficult for her was that she wasn't actually paying much attention to my spelling.

I also think it's pretty easy to get the spelling once you've heard it pronounced five or so times, like she had, but judging medical professions is about a hobby for me now.

I used to have old-fashioned calling cards with just my name on them that I'd hand to people. Didn't help over the phone, though. I have to spell both my names a lot, because there are several variants of my last name and some people will insist on spelling my first name with an s instead of a z. My *real* first name was incredibly difficult to get people to spell or say correctly, which is why I changed it.

Glad to hear Daniel's doing better.

Continued recovery-ma for Daniel. Staph infections are indeed a bear.

Oh, as usual, dear. The Onion has to explain satire.