Oh, smonster! Not to go all Lloyd Dobler on you but, YOU MUST chillSLEEP!

God. I hate sleep deprivation so much.

What would help you?

Pix, sorella, I'm sorry it's been a bitch of a week. Much coping~ma to you and health~ma to Becca.

Bonny, what everyone else said. Don't underestimate your value and worth.

smonster, get some rest. Whatever else needs to be done can wait until morning.

Thanks, Maria.

I'm told this time of my life is about letting go of old habits and creating new expectations and paradigms for the 'last third.'

In an odd way, I feel like I should thank this guy for approaching me this way because (with y'all's help) I've been prodded to reassess a habit that has screwed me pretty badly for a very long time.

By NOT valuing my worth and by pouring energy into things that are not my passion, I've drained myself, put myself at risk and taken energy away from what is important to me.

I appreciate the value of this guy's project...I really do...and honestly, if he'd come to me in the beginning stages and asked what it would take to get me on board, I'd have probably sold myself short again.

But I'd rather go help the foster mom who needs skills with an aggressive dog tomorrow...for free...than even begin a conversation with this guy.

He wasn't around enough to understand what everyone who gave their lives to that endeavor knew, "It's not just an adventure, it's a JOB."

If someone wants to hire me to use all that knowledge, I'm on it. Beyond that, I'll save the world, one heart at a time, thanks.

Here is a paraphrase of how I hopefully ended the discussion.

...I've been able to guide organizations and individuals through some pretty rough terrain, both actual and metaphorical, with the wisdom I gained from my work on the March. I'm sure [your paid coordinator] will be able to do the same.

[dusting hands motion]

Done.

This isn't "can't sleep" sleep dep, this is "fundraiser is tomorrow and I'm running the silent auction" sleep dep.

Nope, it really can't wait, Maria. I've got donations to sort, auction sheets to type up, a parasol to finish painting, and Guilder to frame for it.

Good for you, bonny.

Okeydoke, smonster.

Needs must then!

I'd recommend jumping jacks and a lot of water. Headphones with bouncy music and the truth...you've done it before, you can do it again. Then, you will enjoy the sweet, sweet sleep of the wildly accomplished.

Sometime, when I need to pull an all-nighter, I put SG-1 on in the background...but that's just me.

My darlings, all my darlings, I don't have the brain to delineate how much I care about you, all the things I value and respect and love about you - yes, you, don't try to make excuses and think I mean someone else but not you. And I am sorry to say that I do not have the brain to tell you all the ways I am sharing your sorrow or how much I wish I could slay your monsters for you.

My job may be eating me from the bottom. But I work to not let it show while I am there. I believe in the power of self-fulfilling prophecy and I refuse to predict anything less than weathering the storm. But I am finding the strain showing at home much more than I would have thought.

I say, we go out there, and kick a little demon ass.

I like all your suggestions, Laura, but this is my favorite.

Heh. I'm drinking water, I've got the My Chem radio going on Spotify, and keeping it loose. Right now I'm doing my Kaylee parasol because I couldn't focus on paperwork, but I'm about to have to buckle down. Don't know how much time I'll have tomorrow, and need to get paperwork done so other people can print stuff out at work.

Go YOU smonster!

Virtual pom poms waving wildly.

And Andi? You are the sweetest spirit. Honestly, you are the best.

I'm imagining snuggling with you, bonny, and basking in the glow of your heart.