I keep stuffing myself silly, and I don't even know why.

This has been my day today. I am not hungry but I still want to go eat something.

I stopped dieting three weeks ago. I'm done. If I'm fat for the rest of my life, that will suck, frankly, but I'm done. After 23 years of desperate dieting, I'm fatter than I was when I started. It doesn't work, it isn't going to work, and I'm done. I'm done trying to find the "right" diet, I've tried them all. I'm done doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. I'm done loathing myself for not being as skinny and sexy as I was when I was 25. I'm not going to stop trying to be better - healthier, stronger; I haven't given up on life, but I'm giving up on dieting. I'm giving all that energy to something else in my life. I'm gonna live this life, in this body, now. I'm gonna be 50 years old in a couple months, my life is more than half over, I'm not spending the rest of it as miserable in my own body as I have been the past 23 years.

Applause to you, Zen! I'm 52, and I don't want to spend my days fretting over everything I put in my mouth. I could spend the next few years pummelling myself so I can be someone that may be happier in that time, or I can be happy now.

Right on, Zen!

I'm fatter than I was when I started. It doesn't work, it isn't going to work, and I'm done. I'm done trying to find the "right" diet, I've tried them all. I'm done doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

This is a very powerful realization, and is generally almost always the case with dieting.

I've been looking at the squat thing and thinking that it isn't something I could do because it would be hard on my knees.

Tom's been biking a lot and it has helped with his mood and sleeping. I want to start getting some daily exercise in once I have my days free again. I just want to feel a little stronger and more physical.

Good for you, Zen. I'm sure that realization will bring at least some peace to your heart.

I may end up feeling the same way after this month, but I'm giving it the ol' college try simply because I can't fit into any of the clothes I love...seriously, I'm down to one pair of comfortable trousers...and I'm not in a position to buy a new wardrobe. Besides, I _truly_ love some of the clothes I've collected over the years.

There have been moments in the last couple of years where I have realized that I like myself heavier in some ways. I'm really not bothered by what I see in the mirror and I certainly don't get any resistance from the outside world.

In fact, I think there are certain people in my life who are pleased with me being heavier.

But. I want my clothes. And I can't be in them now. So.

I should mention, that me 20lbs lighter than this is still very, very heavy for a 5'0" woman. So, it's not like I'm even striving for skinny.

I keep stuffing myself silly, and I don't even know why.

This has been my day today. I am not hungry but I still want to go eat something.

Me too! I kept to the type of food I want to learn to love but I ate a LOT of it.

As well, as Jilli said, every little but helps and I did succeed in finishing the second day of the squat challenge. Interestingly, my legs don't hurt as much this morning. Which tells me tomorrow will be super sore.

Aw well. I'm doing it and that's that.

Now, off to get Cagney's nails trimmed, which constitutes a 2 mile walk.

I wish I had a Fitbit!

I don't think I'm quite in the same category. Or maybe I am. I've made some dietary changes lately, although it isn't a "diet" in any formal way. I've shifted away from carbs and toward protein, especially at breakfast. Plus a nutrition supplement at mid-afternoon.

It's doing something. I feel somewhat more energetic. The cravings for large amounts of mid-afternoon junk food are gone. ("Large amounts" such as a cookie, a bag of chips, a candy bar, and a pastry in one sitting.) I still snack, probably more than is good for me, but I don't binge any more.

I think I'm losing a little weight. But that isn't the point -- I'm 50, and I'm never going to weigh 145 again, and I'm okay with that. So I won't do any formal diet. But I'm willing to make changes to improve my life.

I haven't tried the squats thing, possibly because I am still burdened with work to a huge degree. My mind isn't in an exercise place except swimming, biking to work, sometimes even walking to work.

It does seem that I have finally found a diet that really works for me. The weight loss is nice, but that is almost unimportant compared to how I feel. I have So Much Energy. I'm out working on the yard at 9 at night and cheerily cooking and preparing my day's worth of meals (5 or 6 of them!) at 6 in the morning. I just feel great. I have given up a ton of stuff I love to eat and drink, but I couldn't care less. I am full all the time. Haven't felt hunger in weeks. I'll happily sip fizzy water while my family scarfs pizza and it honestly doesn't bother me at all.

Yeah, I know, Diet loves carrots. I'll stop now.

No doubt the being 59 thing is part of what drove me to this. It is harder all the time to do the things I like to do so things have to change before I hit 60.

Making changes to what one eats and drinks for health reasons and to feel better is awesome. Doing so exclusively for weight loss can be fraught though.

Sometimes it's just a matter of figuring out what your body needs and giving that to it. Easier said than done, though. I don't really know for mine, so much, yet. Unless the answer is "burritos."

My approach is... basically to eat what I want, when I want. I'd like to move towards mindful eating, but I'm not there. I try and buy local veggies. I probably eat too much carbs and dairy and not enough fruits and veggies. I am a protein WHORE, because otherwise my blood sugar drops and it's not pretty. I don't worry about salt, because a) I do manual labor 10 hrs/day in the fucking tropics and b) I tend towards low blood pressure. I don't believe in sugar substitutes or low fat anything - 1 tsp of sugar is what, 15 calories? And fat makes you feel satisfied.

I wish I could afford local grassfed meats, but I really can't right now. I don't buy meat all that often, except for bacon. I don't eat canned soups or cereal or frozen dinners. I don't drink soda, never have. I don't drink juice, either. I drink tea or coffee in the morning and water otherwise, unless I need Gatorade. I try not to eat out for financial reasons, and now I don't have a boyfriend to buy me dinner, so that's going to drop off even more.

::shrugs:: Rugby and bellydance got me pretty damn comfy with my body. I certainly like it much more than I did at 115 lbs in high school. I'm not gonna lie, I gained back the 12 lbs I lost when I was sick last year and I wish I hadn't. I enjoyed briefly being an 8/10 instead of a 12/14. And yes, I know many people would love to be a 12/14, I don't mean to imply that a 12/14 is fat, whatever "fat" means.

Hey look, it's Bitches conversation #13!

Mostly, I wish everyone peace with with their bodies and their food consumption, and to find what works for them.

And now I need to get off my lovely ass and go to work for a few hours, to make up a bit for staying home two days this week. I don't wanna, because it's raining and I'll be by myself and in a hot, humid plastic bubble... but I oughta. I need ta.