Ppplllbbbt.

Was away traveling and then spent yesterday recovering from an attack of vertigo (too many sleep deprived days in a row).

In terms of low salt cooking at home - a great resource is frozen veggies (if they are not preflavored - no salt added) and also if you shop at TJs anyway their already chopped washed onions, onion/garlic/shallot mixture, prewashed greens and so forth. Defrost frozen veggies in a crockpot in the fridge overnight, add meat and your choice of flavoring on low, if not done when you get home turn up to high. You can also add pasta about 45 minutes before it is ready. (If not enough liquid for pasta add appropriate amount of boiling water to crockpot befefore adding liquid. ) When you are done, the only pot you have to clean is the crockpot. For example, TJ cleaned mushrooms, TJ cleaned onion/garlic/shallot mix plus frozen spinach, frozen peppers defrosted in crockpot overnight, plus can of not salt tomatoes or fresh tomatoes if you want to go to trouble. ground meat of choice - low fat if you wish, honey (1/2 teapspoon per serving), lemon juice, olive oil, powdered garlic, marjormam, sweet basil, thyme, rosemary, oregano, white or black pepper, a little salt or salt substitue amount controlled by you. If you are home just cook on high for 5 hours, adding pasta in 4th hour. Probably the veggies and meat will make enough of their own juice (especially if you use canned tomatoes) but if there is not a lot liquid as I say you can add a cup of boiling water before you add the pasta. If it is a work day, put it up on low. By the time you get home it should at least be at the equivalent of having cooked for 4 hours. If everything is not quite done you can turn up to high before adding the pasta. If everything is cooked just add the pasta. In either case leave crockpot on until pasta is tender and has absorbed the liquid so it is no longer soupy. Stir every ten or fifteen minutes to make sure past cooks evenly and you does not end up with raw spots and also to ensure it does not clump. Whole wheat pasta should be done in a half an hour to an hour. Non-whole wheat a bit quicker. Proportions - figure out how many servings you want, veggies according to how many oz veggies you want per serving, meat according to how many oz meat you want per serving, pasta - well you know. spices and lemon juice - to taste, but slow cookers make flavors much milder so if you are not used to crockpot cooking add about the double the lemon juice and spices you think you need.

Of course you can cook this stuff on top of the stove or in an oven or in a microwave if you want. (If you cook in a microwave, give the frozen veggies a headstart on high until frozen, then everyting but the meat and pasta until cooked. Then add the meat and partially cooked pasta, stirring occasionally -with a microwave you will need to boil the pasta in water on top of the stove about 2/3rds of the time the package to precook the pasta before add with the meat to absorb the extra juices - Crockpot if you don't mind the actual cooking time is the least work of the various cooking methods).

And Maria, have nothing to add to wise advice, but please post all you want. I want to know how you are doing and if telling us helps you then we all win.

I don't expect my friends to shower me with rainbows and kittens every day, especially when they're having a hard time.

I was promised kittens from heaven! Where are my kittens from heaven??

At the shelter, I know. Would that I could afford them all.

I was promised kittens from heaven! Where are my kittens from heaven??

At the shelter, I know.

I think they're all in the internets.

Maria, I can only echo what everyone else has already said. You're handling an extremely difficult and painful time in your life with grace and wisdom and hope and courage, and that's amazing. You don't have to have all that grace/wisdom/hope/courage in every waking moment.

Maria - wise words above from wise people.

You say you don't feel like you are contributing joy? Whenever I see a post from you I remember when you came out to dinner with a bunch of DC-istas when I was visiting there, something like 6 years ago. I remember it thundering and storming. And I remember your smiling face. That is the image in my head when I see MFNlaw. And it brings me joy.

Maria my darling, I am going to point at what everyone else said and nod. You are loved, you are worthy, and you can come here and vent/whine/ask for support as often and as much as you need.

Maria, I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. Grief is hard. Change is hard. Hell, life is hard. You do what you can - if it's not up to some standard you're setting, you're still doing something. Be kind to yourself; let us be kind to you.

And, as someone once said, only mediocre people are always at their best. And you've never been mediocre.

It's been a safe place for me for almost 10 years, and part of my angst right now is the fact that I'm using this as my safe place without contributing to the joy.

Don't angst about that. Our affection for you is not a limited resource; it's infinitely renewable.

Working out at the gym isn't a schtick. You're doing something that's healthy on so many levels. You're controlling something you can control. Your work is rewarded exactly in proportion to what you put into it. It grounds you in the world, and in your body. And it has the added benefit of making you look great.

You know in contact sports when you have to take a hit it's better if you're moving yourself, instead of flat footed. And in your life you are moving forward. And I see that you are impatient, but you are gathering speed and strength and you will be in a new place physically and emotionally. Just not yet.