For sure, sign whatever name they write on the checks!

Mom took Dad's last name. (Eh, it was 1959.) The year after they were married, her MiL sent her a birthday check made out to Mom's maiden name. Message received, Grandma.

Yeah, names are fraught.

I can just barely imagine getting married. I can't imagine changing my name. But then, I'm 45, so I've had it for what will be at least half my life. Probably more. (Unless the last name was Plantagenet. That could be cool. )

And fuck, I'll have to change my signature. That's a pain.

My signature is cursive E S scrawl, all run together. So I couldn't change my last name to anything that doesn't start with a big loop.

I don't have a strong attachment to my last name, being as it's my father's name and he didn't have much attachment to me. But I never liked the idea of having to change it to my husband's name. I decided if my hypothetical future husband's name is cooler than mine, I'll change it; otherwise we'll have to have a talk.

What I'm leaning towards the most (right now) is to make my last name my middle name and take Tim's last name. But the thing is, I know when women do that, they frequently end up defaulting to Firstname HusbandsLastname, rather than Firstname Maidenname HusbandsLastname.

I did that. And the shorthand does tend to go to the Nickname and ex's Last name, true. But I use my full name a lot. And for a three letter initial, I've even trained the most resistant family to use it.

I didn't like my birth middle name, it started with the same same letter as my maiden and it felt right.

I honestly kept after divorce because First Married could be anyone in an age that I could see would be dominated by the Internet and widely-available information. It feels nicely anonymous. But legally all three are probably exclusively me. So I had both something distinct but something that doesn't freak me out with Google.

I have, since moving back to where I was known by maiden, been sure to use the whole three word name much more often. Because then people here remember why they think they should know me.

My signature is cursive E S scrawl, all run together. So I couldn't change my last name to anything that doesn't start with a big loop.

Tim's signature is literally a big T and then a scrawled dash of a line.

You may all begin forging things with his signature now.

t edit I guess I could be Mrs. S scrawly dash of a line.

Thanks, Hec. The shortness of both last names was a factor.

My signature has become more scrawly since I hyphenated. My hand still wants to stop before the dash.

Steph, what if you made his last name your middle name, instead of the other way around?

My mother really could do that, Tep. Working in title has made her an excellent "forger"(Which I mostly think about regarding that one West Wing where the office worker can write like Bartlet.) About the name: Don't know...I joke that I'd be thrilled to drop this one, but it is my byline, so...(as if anyone wants to share a name with me. Sigh.) I don't know...do what you feel. I will always think of you as Steph Lang anyway.

DH just said, when I hollered "Will you take my last name?" "Take it where?"

Then when I explained, "It's often not the people in a relationship that make it fraught, it's all the other people."

When I was young, my dad wistfully asked me that, if I ever married, if I would keep my last name as a second middle, seeing as my 1 male first cousin was (at the time) pretty much a tool. I was all "I don't think I'll marry, but if I do, I'll just keep it." Which I did, and would have done without Dad having asked, but it's nice that his request and my preference dovetailed so nicely.

I never really seriously thought about taking DH's last name, although it is a fine one. 1. My last name is ME. It is mine, and I like it. It's on all my degrees and writings. 2. His brother has my first name, in the male form. Just NO. 3. Our son bears his last name, and there will be no other children to consider in the naming issue.

My female friends are divided evenly into keep/take, and so the choice was never a big deal there. Some strangers can't seem to wrap their minds around it, but that's their issue. And it REALLY boggles some of my students' minds! I've gotten a very few pieces of mail or verbal addresses as Mrs. DH'sLastName; the mail is never from people I know, and I just absently say, "Ms. MyLastName, please" to the verbal addresses, but I don't mind, unless the person is being a tool about it. Which has happened once. And DH never even thought I would take his, so we're cool, and that's all that really matters. And his family doesn't care.

But everyone's decision is going to be different for a myriad of reasons. ITA that it's annoying that most men don't give it a single thought. You've got a while to decide, Tep. Play around with writing/speaking different iterations, see what feels right, and go from there. And remember, if you don't take it in Sept., you have YEARS to make up your mind. No rush.

I have to admit I really came to dislike hyphenated names. (Except yours, SJ. Yours is perfect.)

Hey!

sj, I never get 'which is the _right_ last name", people just routinely alphabetize me under T. Happens, all the ever-loving time.

I'm so used to it, it doesn't really bug me anymore. I just wait while the clerk stumbles around, perplexed for a bit and then suggest checking under the wrong letter.

When I was very young, explaining the hyphen came down to "You know, like Wilfred Hyde-White (who was on a lot of daytime chat shows for a while) but now there are not "It's like" comparisons available any more, it seems.