I really like the new place. The apartment is nicely laid out - has really lovely light and the building is very sturdy. I just got a good feeling about it so I'm extremely happy that I got it.

The older I get, the less patient I am with plans constantly in flux. I'm fine with spontaneous ideas, I'm flexible when plans change, I'm just sick of plans that can never be finalized because there's always someone who doesn't cooperate. Someone won't wake up on time, someone didn't leave on time, someone decided they don't like the restaurant, someone got drunk and threw a fit.

Mine is a family of divas, none of whom think they are at all unreasonable, all of whom fall completely apart at the suggestion that anything might be their fault. I spent my life sitting quietly waiting with a book while the chaos around me settled down and then going along with whatever the hell we ended up doing, and that was fine, until I became old enough to be expected to speak up and have some input in what was going to happen. I had no real desire to do that, because I didn't want to argue; I didn't want anything as much as I wanted everyone to just shut up. But I have a lot of practice at being the family therapist: I smoothed ruffled feathers, I helped people get perspective and calm down, I facilitated everyone's relationships. And I'm sick of it! I want this dysfunctional sprawl of neurotics to get their collective shit together, cooperate, agree on a fucking plan and stick to it, even if it isn't precisely what every individual might totally prefer. I don't know how I became an adult.

You know what I really want? I want to be able to dig in my heels, demand something, and get what I want. I want to ask for something and get it, and feel no guilt for it and not have to explain or apologize. I want to be able to get upset and get an apology or some comfort or some help. I'm not sure I'd even know how to react if someone actually gave me that.

Pardon my rant. Can't really say shit like this elsewhere.

and yet I can't put my finger on why I'm leaning more towards just Kato.

Steph, when I get feelings like that, I go with them. YMMV.

sumi, I'm glad you got the place that you like!

I didn't mean to break the board with my rant...

I liked your rant. The DH's family are awesome but they have an abnormally high amount of entropy. Like, the time between saying they are leaving an event and the time they get to the door can be 45 minutes. or the time between deciding to go out for brunch (where everyone agrees on the place) and actually going can be an hour. They just can't get moving from one place to another. Drives me nuts.

We give my dad a 10 minute warning 20 minutes before we intend to leave. He gets ready promptly but there is ALWAYS some last minute incident/distraction that still puts us 5 minutes past the 20 minute buffer. Except the times when he is ready to go 15 minutes before everyone else and the appointed time and then gets irritated with the rest of us. @@

Zen,

what if you said a version of that to your family? What then?

Like, the time between saying they are leaving an event and the time they get to the door can be 45 minutes.

This is when I RUDELY grab people by the ear and pull them away. I ain't got time for that shit.

what if you said a version of that to your family? What then?

Oh, ha, no. Best case, everyone would blame someone else, two people would cry, and one person would dramatically down the rest of her drink, tell us all to fuck off, and speed away dramatically in her sports car. To fix the dysfunction, they'd have to stop being dysfunctional.

Not that I'm the poster child for emotional health myself, you know, and not that they're bad people; they're all generous and kind and funny when they're not being nutjobs.