Yeah, we are also married in the church, though only because our officiant was an ex-Episcopalian priest. Don't ask me how that works, but apparently it does. We didn't have a Mass or anything.

I gotta say that I church-married a divorced guy with whom I'd been shacking up with no problems at all; everyone we checked with, once they heard that the first marriage was (a) civil and not remotely churchy, and (b) officially over with papers to prove it, didn't care at all. But he had been baptized, so there was that. And my Catholic grandmother married my unrepentantly Jewish grandfather with no problems, so there is some wiggle room.

I'm so confused by the stated rules and what actually happens. But yeah, I have no desire for a church wedding, so there's that.

I think if you suddenly decided you really really wanted a sacramental marriage after all, some friendly person in some parish (you might have to shop a bit) would find a loophole to slip you through. But since you actively don't want it, THE END. And Tim's dad needs to find his peace with that.

I have no idea what his childhood-buddy priest friend is like, but if he's at all a reasonable guy then possibly he could help Tim out -- the reasonable ones really do take the sacramental part of it seriously, and don't want to inflict that on couples who don't want it, and think that "We hate the idea but this family member will pout otherwise" is a really lousy reason for a church wedding.

If he doesn't know Tim at all and seriously thinks he can reel him in, that's a problem, but if he knows him better than that, maybe he can be enlisted as an ally? Tim's dad might possibly listen better to "It's not going to happen and it is entirely appropriate for it to not-happen and you need to deal with that" if it comes from both Tim and from an actual priest.

Oh, my God, Ultra-Liberal Facebook friend, how in the *world* am I responsible for Bradley Manning sitting in the clink? (I don't *feel* responsible for *me* all the time, honestly. Not like I should, at what seems a shockingly advanced age to feel that way.) In the immortal words of that great human rights activist Super Chicken, "He knew the job was dangerous when he took it."(I don't mean to be glib about it...I'm sure it's awful, and I am a bit weak because he doesn't stick in my mind as it would if it were somebody I fancied putting himself in harm's way, and if you want to carp about that, I suppose you have a point, but even that's not new...it's Che' not Fidel on the T-Shirts, right? But my influence on the democratic part is, like, -5, right? I answer phones and get hung up on, and, sadly, still enjoy that more than my real life. You. Must. Chill.

My minion at my old job, who is Jewish, was church married after having to go through several months of pre Cana and all that. But it was a church way out in the burbs that was the only one they could find in the area who would do it. So I really think it's 90% the character of the specific church/priest that dictates the result.

Skippy skimming to end to ask for roommate~me. I'm moving next week and need a third roommate; meeting with a French guy tonight. So fingers crossed he wants it and isn't an asshole!! It would be fun to get to speak some French, too.

maybe he can be enlisted as an ally? Tim's dad might possibly listen better to "It's not going to happen and it is entirely appropriate for it to not-happen and you need to deal with that" if it comes from both Tim and from an actual priest.

That's...not a bad idea. I don't know what the priest is like, since we've never gone to church there (although it's a lazy 10-minute walk away), but I would think a reasonable priest would understand that it's just not happening for us. His dad might indeed take the news better if it came from an official priest, rather than his heathen son.

I hear ya, Erika.

roommate-ma, smonster!