( continues...) nor have I been on ADs. But I have been depressed before.

Have you been addicted to cigarettes or other substances?

I have never smoked nor been addicted to any drugs other than coffee and cocktails. Which I am not exempting but generally speaking I maintain those predelictions within acceptable societal norms. I don't think I have an addictive personality.

Have you participated in self-harming behavior?

No. Though I was involved with a woman for three years who did cut herself, suffered from chronic depression and had bouts of suicidal ideation. So I'm not unfamiliar with the psychology or dynamics of self-harm.

Have you studied behavioral change theory? Have you taught health education? Have you attended 12-step meetings?

Nope. Nope and nope. But I am familiar with the 12-step process, and have studied enough psychology that you probably don't have to start at BF Skinner or cognitive therapy.

Can you describe some of the overlaps between Buddhism and neuroscience?

I'm not sure where you're going with this, but I studied Buddhism in college and understand the tenets and distinctions between Indian (Theravadan and Mahayana), Tibetan (more syncretic) and Zen (more philosophical). And I have a basic understanding of neuroscience and how it relates to behavior.

Do you need more context? My mother was an alcoholic and a life time smoker who died of cancer related to her smoking. My grandmother and my uncle both suffered from emphysema.

Also, I have a sister, she smokes, and I've watched her health degrade considerably as she's gotten into her late fifties and smoking has been a large contributing factor. And I'm not shy about being the annoying brother that tells her she should quit.

So..."I support your brother on this" because I am that kind of brother.

I don't think you'd cotton to it if I addressed you that way.

Perhaps you'd prefer that I were glibly dismissive? Mansplainers never ask what you know. They just assume they know better, and then don't listen when you try to explain otherwise. In this case I happened to be correct in presuming that you lack first-person experience with non-situational clinical depression over an extended period of time and with substance addiction.

Where I was apparently mistaken was in assuming that your interest was in being supportive in a helpful way. Basically the whole thing boils down to this:

smonster: Wow, my brother was just an annoying, self-righteous prig, and completely counterproductive to boot! I know he means well, but damn!

Hec: I support your brother's right to be an annoying, self-righteous, and counterproductive prig.

To which I say, fine - I reassert my right to call him out on being an annoying, self-righteous, and counterproductive prig.

I'm so glad that's straightened out. Now I can sleep. I think instead of counting sheep, I'll count the ways in which addiction and depression are viable analogues.

Riddle me this: If you can't resist the temptation to pester your sister about smoking, knowing it doesn't help and might well harm, how can you expect her to resist the temptation to smoke?

By the way, I quit smoking almost six months ago, which I believe I've mentioned in this thread more than once.

With that, I am unsubbing from Bitches for a minimum of 24 hours. Call it a flounce, call it Doblerizing, whatever. Somebody tell Dana she can come back.

I'm not trying to hijack the conversation here, or change the topic. Just sharing a good day. I figure, with all the BS going on, the cancers the various board members and families have been fighting, the crazy weather, the Yankees getting blanked in the post season, and everything else bad that's going on, I figured we need something good. So, I'm sharing something positive.

Last night, I got my ballot in the mail. Oh. It seems my ballot location is my living room. Swell. Glad I spent the weekend going over the measures with my Mom. Great. So I fill in the sample ballot, then start to transfer it to the scan-tron actual ballot this morning. And wouldn't you know, the second to last item, I fill in the wrong bubble. Son of a ... well, as it happens, I have to work Sunday, so I decided to take the morning off. I lazy around a bit, listening to the devastation from the east coast on the radio. Then hop in the car to head off to the county registrar to get a new ballot. First GPS takes me on the most strangest of routes, trying to get me to turn down a carpool lane exit, and circling the town on 3 different freeways... blah blah LA freeway crap. Finally find the place. Parking is a nightmare. Ugg. Get upstairs to the 3rd floor. And it was truly, the most unique governmental office I have ever visited. Folks on both sides of the counter were smiling and happy to be there. "I wanna vote" "I'd be happy to help you with that". So, I fill out the form to void my flawed ballot. And then proceed to wait about an hour for the new one. Oy. But the whole time, I was very entertained with the people watching. I was sitting next to a guy who was a flood adjuster, who had to vote today, because he was flying out to Richmond VA. I asked if Richmond got hit hard with the storm (my brother lives there) Nope, it's just the rally point for the nation of flood adjusters. From there, they will divy up the areas hit hardest, and start filing claims. Then, I had a young mom & grandmom with the 4ish year old son sitting next to me. I asked, teasingly, if he was voting. The Grandma and I had a fun chuckle on that. Their was the old hispanic gentleman, who couldn't hear his number called, and his family helping him, telling him to go up to the counter. The excitement on his face that he was getting a ballot. No clue what the story was. Just enjoying the faces. The county workers switching from English to Spanish to help him out. So, it was a long wait, but I was entertained.

I get to work. And jump on a project I started yesterday. Happy to discover I only had about 15 minutes left to it, and quickly finished that project.

Then started slugging through the emails, setting up meetings, learning of equipment changes for the open house, coming up with a brilliant idea for hardware re-allocation to something useful, and my boss asking "how much" and happy to say the brilliant idea was free! Helping dancers get their music ready for the show we will be teching in next week.

Productive day. Feeling good. Then, it was shop hours. Time with the undergrads who do hours in support of shows they are not in, to pay forward for when they are in shows and other 101's will be helping the shops then. And my TA's, who are pre-professionals, honing their craft. This is where it really became a cool day.

After 2+ years of trying to keep up with the whirlwhind of crap going on, I realized we were in a small lull in the schedule. And we could do something I've been wanting to do since I got here, but havn't had the time/energy. It sounds mundane to the non-sound person, so forgive my enthusiasm.

We set up a SMAART rig (software that compares two audio signals) to compare a reference mic to check how good our wireless mic elements are. They often get gunked up from actor sweat/makeup/etc. So we started a spreadsheet with model/serial numbers and rating them. And teaching the TA's a new trick they could use when doing a musical. And then spending about 30 minutes, hearing them asking "Oh, what if..." and "but why..." and "can we try...". And we (continued...)

( continues...) had the time. And we did. We explored. Hell, I learned things today. I saw things I knew in theory, but never had the tools or time to ever try in practice. This is what I was hoping would happen when I took this job. To take the gear we have, and try new things. Test. Compare. Explore. And we did! We were productive. We are making improvements to our shop. We are preparing for the musical coming up in a few weeks. And we were playing. And we were learning. Lightbulbs were turning on over the heads of the TA's! It was so cool.

All in all. I'd call it a good day.

In this case I happened to be correct in presuming that you lack first-person experience with non-situational clinical depression over an extended period of time and with substance addiction.

You win?

Where I was apparently mistaken was in assuming that your interest was in being supportive in a helpful way.

I said I was sympathetic with your brother's point of view. I really don't presume to know what's going to be most helpful for you. I wish you good health and hope for your well-being and that is sincere.

Call it a flounce

Okay.

I haven't tried to persuade you to quit. (Though I wish you would because I care about your well being.)

This is really slick of you Hec, Totes slick.

At 41, I'm still waiting for grey/white/silver

Me too, at 43. But my sister only has a couple herself. My mother is salt and pepper, much futher ahead than my father, which started with his beard and then went to his temples.

the March was so stressful, I was not surprised.

You know that's not how it works, right?

Yeah, the SO's grey is all temples and beard. Which means when he shaves clean (or to his "jazz stache") and cuts his mohawk, he loses about ten years in an instant.

And wouldn't you know, the second to last item, I fill in the wrong bubble.

If you call them, they tell you how to mark the ballot and still mail it in.

Or, alternately, they lied to me. Which is why I documented the hell out of the call when it happened yesterday. It wasn't a race I am hugely invested in if that one vote is DQ'd because looking at the district lines, the guy I want to vote for is going to lose big.

Still, it took me most of yesterday to deal with all of the races and all of the propositions and measures. I cannot believe the average *California voter will invest that much time and that means people are voting sound bites or commercials. Scary.

*Are there other places that are so dependent on voter initiatives? Because that's sort of why I am electing people: to make and change laws. I don't have the time or brain to read every single piece of proposed legislation and not just weigh it but look for loopholes and hidden bits. I elect people. That's supposed to be what we do.

California definitely demonstrates that direct democracy is a stupid fucking idea when implemented on a large scale.

I agree. Mom and I spent the better part of Sunday afternoon going over the whole ballot. And the majority of it seemed like things I elect folks to do, why am I voting on this?? And yes, to think how many people vote based on a TV spot that is not accurate. Messed up!