Guys, I'm really shaken up by something that so isn't a big deal, but it taps into a phobia I didn't realize I had. I've whitefonted for those with rodent issues...

So we've had a mouse/rat (don't know which, don't really want to know) infestation over the past couple of months. We've heard them in the walls, which I don't like but can deal with, but about a month ago we discovered that they had found a way into our (very old) built in kitchen drawers and made a mess out of two drawers worth of pet odds and ends and the big heavy drawer with all my baking supplies.

Neither ND nor I had the emotional energy to deal with it at the time, so we lived in cheerful denial and didn't open any of those drawers for any reason.

But my mom is coming to visit for the first time in two years, and she arrives tomorrow night, so I buckled down to clean all the things, including those nasty drawers, tonight. They were foul. There is no other word to describe the pestilence of the drawers, the poop, the pee, the horrific smell, the equally horrific fact that they were in my flour and sugar. It doesn't matter that I hadn't touched any of the above--just the fact it existed disgusts me.

I had on rubber gloves, but cleaning out each drawer and wiping them down and throwing everything way was frankly so traumatizing that I nearly broke down in tears in the middle of the process more than once.

Given the depth of my horror and the trauma I'm feeling, this is apparently a phobia I've developed. I don't have a problem with mice in general (pets, etc) and have never screamed and jumped on a chair when one runs by--I actually think they're quite cute. But the feces and urine and general feeling of UNCLEAN have me feeling really upset. I keep washing my hands and trying to talk myself down from the idea that I must now have Hanta Virus or the Plague or something equally awful. I may have to take a Xanax. I think I'm on the verge of a panic attack, which is ridiculous.

I know this is nothing compared to what Sean and Scrappy and Ginger and so many of you are dealing with, and I apologize for the long post, but I'm so upset right now that I just had to get it out somewhere.

Okay, first off, yes it may be a phobia, but it may also be a totally normal reaction. Either way it's one that I had, down to the crying.

I had to deal with it twice. Once in the mission house, where they basically took over the whole house. I was in total denial about that whole thing, and later the roof fell in and sparks burst from the outlets, so it wasn't going to be a fixable situation anyway.

But just this summer, when I came home, they weren't even in the house, but they had taken up residence on my deck, under my woodrack and in my filter and some cloths that were lying out there. Even outside, it was completely awful to clean it up, and I wore gloves and one of those little dust mask thingies, and I still had lost my shit enough to yell at the poor unsuspecting Schwans man when he tried to come to the door in the middle of me dealing with it all.

So.

Perfectly natural response.

Now, about the health stuff. This is the uncomforting thing that the doctor told me when I got bitten by the mouse, back in the infested house days. If the mice that were in the drawer had Hanta, you would have already died from it. The fact that you are still alive means that they didn't, so while it is nasty and dirty and yuck, it is probably not going to hurt you in any longlasting way. And now you've done it. So go you!

Pix, this is a natural response to an infestation in your own space.

It's pretty awful, but it's not ridiculous. Don't let yourself think it's ridiculous.

Pix, I have been there and done that. Mouse invasions are just gross.

Take a Xanax if you need to. And be upset if you need to. Trying to *not* be upset makes it worse, in my experience. And how you feel is totally legitimate and a natural response, like Liese and Plei said.

Thanks. I really can't tell you how helpful it is to just get that affirmation. I t heart Buffistas.

Pix,

I would lose my everloving shit and I have no known phobias of which I'm aware.

In fact, I think I would have a "kill it. kill it with fire" reaction.

I kind of did want to take a blow torch to the kitchen, honestly.

But not enough to say it twice. Oops.