Remember how I was complaining my shoulders (and everything else) hurt? Well, I think the shoulders were stress pain. They feel a LOT better today, and all I did was work hard yesterday (like I have been the past few weeks). But knowing I can move in.... I wonder if that's what it was. Crazy. Usually stress pain is in the between shoulder blades, not the front side of the shoulders. My body. It's far from normal.

I wish I could send the rain to those who need it.

Took half a Xanax, slept three hours. I talked to my sister. She's not doing well. She's very sad about Meg the kitty (all three of them went to the vet yesterday to put her to sleep) and just a few weeks ago, someone who had been a very good friend to her, that she had kind of lost touch with, died of heart failure (he was in his forties). Add that her sinking ship of a company that treats her like shit, and the health stuff she's been going through (losing 10 lbs in a week and now gaining due to steroids), and I was not surprised to hear she's not wanting to live. Like, she was hoping her biopsy would come back with cancer.

And now it's 8 pm, and I haven't eaten, and I don't have the spoons to cook, but I've eaten out three times this week already and screwed the budget pooch, and I've got another anxiety attack coming on, and I promised my boss I'd do some computer work since I got off early due to rain.

Really, all I want to do is order a pizza and go back to sleep. Sleep is the only way I can gain spoons. I think I need to find room in my grocery budget for frozen pizzas, to have in reserve for times like this. I could make quesadillas, but I'm kind of tired of them.

Blerghh. I'm sorry to be so mememe, I feel like I've been thread-hogging, but I'm just not doing super great right now.

I'm sorry your sister's having a rough time, smonster.

I had a pizza of crappy days for dinner myself. Nothing huge, just some mysteriously disappearing capital letters in a document I was working on. But I've managed to blow it up into a huge deal in my head, mostly because I don't know how it happened. Cut and paste is supposed to take care of such things. Hmph.

Oh smonster ... I'm sorry that your sister isn't holding up very well these days. It must be hard to be far away right now, but it's good that you can get her on the phone and that's she's still talking. That's huge. I wish her love and light and strength to get through the next bit of time. And lots of the same to you, babe. *smooch*

Sorry your sister's not doing well, smonster.

I have two more days of sign language class. I've learned a whole lot. I'm trying to find ways to practice during the school year, so that I won't forget half of it by the time I come back next summer. I'm probably going to email some of my classmates to see if they want to chat on Skype sometimes. There are videos and vlogs and things I can watch, but it's not the same as conversation. (Plus, I hate watching a whole lot of the ASL vlogs. Either the video quality is so bad that the movements are all blurred, or the signer's hands are outside the frame half the time.) There are also a few DVDs of ASL movies, and I'm going to get some of those at the Gallaudet bookstore.

I also just bought a bunch of baby presents at the bookstore. For one friend, a book called "Where Is Baby?" where each page is something like "Where is the cat?" or "Where is Mommy?" along with the sign for the thing, and then there's a flap to open and see whatever it is hiding behind something else. For the other friend, a onesie with the sign for I Love You on the front. (It took me a while to find that onesie. There were like 20 pink ones, and I just hated that shade of pink, and then I finally found one red and white one way in the back of the rack.)

I've decided this week that my new default baby gift is going to be a blue canary nightlight.

You know, to plug into the outlet by the lightswitch.

Who watches over you?

My aunt got me a blue canary nightlight. I don't think she understood why I wanted it, but it was on my Amazon wishlist. I'm still deciding where to plug it in. I have no outlet by a light switch except in the bathroom.

Perzactly!

One of my HS classmates is posting some of the pictures from our 10 year renuion.

I am so thin, I could cry.

Our 20 year is in October. Think I could lose 40 pounds by then?