{{{Cass}}} I am so sorry you and your family are having to deal with this. I wish I were closer by so I could do more.

In completely different news, my 16 yo (half)sister continues to excel and generating drama. After arrests and prosecution and restraining order and multiple court visits....I get this message from her mom: " Spent a few days realizing that what we're doing isn't working. Find myself in the unenviable position of saying, "Fine. You're both determined. If this is going to continue, it will be in space I can monitor and under my terms. And by the way, [boy] you have to fully inform your parents and get their consent as well." It will curdle my blood to have that skank in this house, but at least I can require that they stay in the living room and keep their clothes on. [Sister]is thrilled, "All I really want to do is cuddle anyway, mom." She had lunch with your dad and he's agreed to not pursue prosecution. [boy] is supposedly informing his parents today and tomorrow with the goal of setting up a meeting among the parents and children to discuss. I have high hopes that [his mom] will absolutely forbid it to happen. At which point, they can start taking the heat for keeping the couple apart. I haven't quite figured out how to manage if they go back to sneaking around after that. One wonders what it will finally take before the two of them realize this is just a bad idea. My hope is that more face-to-face time will help [her] realize that [he] is a skank who gets off on fantasies of inflicting pain. She texts him that she wants to snuggle and watch Dr. Who on the couch and he comes back with "I want to fuck you till you black out." Frustrates me that [she] is so totally blinded to the danger and disconnect. Maybe [he] will get bored when I'm around to try and keep things to a healthier level of interaction. MAYBE [she] will have the strength to ditch him when he says he'll only stay if she puts out. Too many maybes for me, but what we're doing now certainly doesn't seem to be working. Thoughts?"

Oh dear.

Oh Cass I'm sorry, but it does sound like the right call.

Yikes, Erin, that sounds fraught.

I'm so sorry Cass.

Erin, yikes!

erin,

back in the day, didn't they send the young women (and men) to a far away summer camp?

{{{Cass}}} It sounds like you are making the right decision for you and for your dad. I hope this move is as easy for you as possible.

{{Cass}} I'm glad you're going to be able to spend more time to your dad by moving so close to him, but very sad for the reason. I'm sure it will be quality time, and that is very, very precious.

Erin, send the girl to a year-round boarding school in another state. Hell, another country.

Erin, that is exactly why I fear having kids--I was such a "good kid" in high school, and I have no idea what I'd do if the usual "ok, you have more chores/you're grounded" type stuff didn't work! The let the forbidden allure wear off part does seem sensible.

Cass, that's so tough, but go you for making the decision! Sad but we will still be wherever you go is the great part about this board!

Oh, and the googling of potential person turned up a photo that made me think "could do...", it'll depend on personality. Of course she also lives 2 hours away, but at least it wouldn't involve a plane ride.

Oh, Cass.

erin_o, the allure of the forbidden is...well, alluring. I'd bet money I don't have that they are sneaking around, and will.

I think I'd make sure your sister was on BC, take away any copies of Twilight and replace them with books on female sexual agency, sign her up for self-defense and make her volunteer at a DV shelter for as long as she wanted to date this dude.

It's so hard-- I remember how (and what) I was doing at 17 and how stubborn and hard-headed I was. I'd like to thwack my younger self upside the head, but even then don't know if I'd listen. Hormones suck, yo.