can only say that I hope having us here to say the kinds of things you can't say out loud is as much a refuge for you as it was for me.

Fuck yes. I have told you people things I won't tell my own family over the last four months. I seriously would not be half as OK as I am without this place.

It is. It is a sanctuary.

I mean, mostly that means I am crying now but at least that is better than the numb depression I've been in for a couple of days. Because numb depression when I am even alone even is bad. I hate crying in front of people but I did in a parking lot today anyway and I am doing it now here. Which is kinda a step forward.

I don't know anything concrete on Dad. I just have lost most of my optimism and I am waiting for some tests that I don't think are going to be great news. And being so far from the house is really isolating in terms of communication.

{{{{{Cass}}}}} You can cry here anytime you need to. I wish I was close enough to give you an actual hug and not just a virtual one. Continued ~ma for your dad.

I'm so sorry, Cass.

Our friend/landlord just got laid off, and one of the perks of his job was the house on the military base where he works. So now the backroom, which became my room with my computer and genealogy and beading and books has to be cleaned out for him to move into. Yes, it's his house, and he could be saying "I need the house, you need to move," but dammit! He's got a houseload of stuff that will need to go somewhere, and he's got a cat of his own, and there are already three people in this house, and dammit!

Maybe he'll find a job in Salt Lake or somewhere and he'll find a place to live quick.

Cass, my love, I'm so sorry. I am glad having this place gives you a bit of solace.

My house is like a level 4 biocontam zone!

Silly girl, I wish I could come visit to help take care of you! I'm a good cleaner, I have references and everything. And I could dye your hair and make you laugh and take Buffista post dictation.

Today I ate my lunch at the dining room table of the house we're working on, and the two kids (18 mos and nearly 4 yo) sat across and just STARED at me. The mom was very apologetic but I didn't mind, I winked and flirted and made faces. SO ADORBS.

Okay, gotta shower the caustic off, then make dinner and feed the animals and go clean my neighbor's apartment that moved out. Let's just say that the condition of his bathroom and kitchen do nothing to dispel the stereotype of youngish single straight dudes as nast. But hey, he's paying me, so. (Nora, yes, this is D I am talking about)

Xpost with Connie - that totally bites, I hope he finds another option.

(Nora, yes, this is D I am talking about)

Man, I hope his power's back on.

Connie, that does suck. Will you get a reduction in rent? Is it at all feasible to move yourselves?

Incoming ASSCAP bomb -

GODDAMMIT BELLA JUST PEED IN THE BUCKET I KEEP MY RAGS IN. She jumped IN a cleaning bucket and PEED. I have HAD IT with her fucking diva attitude. I think she won't use the litter boxes because they are in the same room as the kittens. Who are in a FUCKING WIRE CRATE and cannot get to her, much less hurt her. Not that they could because they are TINY and TERRIFIED.

I just doused the kitchen in Feliway. After I picked her up and yelled in her face, which will do no practical good but kind of made me feel better.

eta yes, Nora, the power is back on.

I'm hoping he finds something in Salt Lake or he gets a quick line on another job. The only benefit to coming to the house is, well, he has somewhere to live, which is no small thing.

I hate the idea of Hubby moving, because he's in so much worse shape than when we last moved.

I am sorry that the kittens and Bella aren't working out together. I hope the kittens find their forever homes (I really don't like that phrase) soon. They sound adorable. Unless you are Bella and have few ways to express your dissatisfaction that fluffballs have invaded your home.

So now the backroom, which became my room with my computer and genealogy and beading and books has to be cleaned out for him to move into. Yes, it's his house, and he could be saying "I need the house, you need to move,"

What a stress for everyone. I mean, it is his house so his taking the backroom is less than he could ask but hugely stressful all around.

I hope he finds something soon and with a fabulous housing opportunity too.

Dad's MRI is tomorrow morning. Just heard. And an already-scheduled ultrasound on his legs but that is really precautionary and not what I am freaking out over. I am worried about the MRI.

Hilariously, mom just misspelled my name in a text. To my sister and I. Who have the same fucking first name. It was a typo, I am sure. But funny.