On PC parents - they are absolutely in the wrong on 99.9% of all the things, but if they've paid for your brother's education all along, I think they have a right to try to ensure that he finishes. I don't think it's a lot to ask considering the substantial amount of money I'm sure they've invested in his education. And it seems rather sensible to me, TBQH. Let's finish up this one huge commitment that only has a year to go before starting up another one. Planning a wedding will be a distraction from school if it's going to be a traditional sort of ceremony. I dunno. It's probably still not going to end well, but I think I'd give them this one if I could (i.e. if no money will be lost by moving the date out 7 months).

I killed the thread! Let me be clear, though, that this?

If my brother doesn't wait until graduating (in May) before getting married (in October), they will disown him, and he will never hear from them again.

Is effed up and I understand the instinct to say HELL NO. I still stand by my previous assessment and think if they'd phrased it more my way, it might have been an actual discussion rather than more effery on your parents' part. Sigh.

I agree with GC.

I agree with GC & Scrappy!

I am in the Good Company!

On PC parents - they are absolutely in the wrong on 99.9% of all the things, but if they've paid for your brother's education all along, I think they have a right to try to ensure that he finishes. I don't think it's a lot to ask considering the substantial amount of money I'm sure they've invested in his education. And it seems rather sensible to me, TBQH. Let's finish up this one huge commitment that only has a year to go before starting up another one. Planning a wedding will be a distraction from school if it's going to be a traditional sort of ceremony. I dunno. It's probably still not going to end well, but I think I'd give them this one if I could (i.e. if no money will be lost by moving the date out 7 months).

I don't think they can be taken at face value on this issue though.

Basically, I'm with David. This particular roadblock that just came up out of the blue sounds all reasonable, but I doubt the next one will be. And there will be a next one.

I'm with David too. Give in on this, and there will be something else.

Basically, I'm with David. This particular roadblock that just came up out of the blue sounds all reasonable, but I doubt the next one will be. And there will be a next one.

Oh, absolutely. But I think waiting for the reasons I mentioned is a reasonable, adult and sensible thing to do. I wouldn't be surprised if that is at the root of PC's parents' demand, but they can't possibly have a discussion that isn't based on "I'm in charge and have all the power."

I wouldn't be surprised if that is at the root of PC's parents' demand

Well, yeah, I think that's generally why it's simply Not Done in Indian culture, which places a high value on education. As I said, we know a guy who's waiting three years to actually get married.

It's just the latest excuse, though. Apparently they were also saying that he couldn't get married until I do (which, ha, like that's ever going to happen).

It's a tough choice, honestly. Both your argument and David's argument have merit.

I think I'm with GC. Barring a good reason to get married now, I'd say wait until next May. But that's because I'm a believer in education and wouldn't want a marriage to get in the way of a degree.

On the other hand, I wouldn't be inclined to give much weight to the opinion of parents who've treated a future in-law the way P-C's parents have.