I tried to post earlier on the Kindle, but I don't think it took. And if I say it twice, so much the better. Woohoo good test results!

bonny, I am learning that it's not quick or easy but that our hearts do begin to heal. Or at least not feel like a raw nerve always.

Cass, it's more the latter than the former, but the pain is definitely moving. When I said that it surprises me that it's been so long to my bff today, she added, "Or so short a time." That last part is true too. These six months could be six days, given how they sit on my heart.

Thankfully, I've done all I needed to do in the grieving process, so I believe I'm pretty well off, even as I settle in to keenly feeling the loss for perhaps the rest of my life.

I do feel like tomorrow is a milestone that requires honoring. I should lay aside my 'widow's weeds' metaphorically speaking.

Perhaps I'll start tinting my hair again.

Aww, Cagney. Look at the sweetie. Blessings your way, bonny.

Back from my latest first date. I can already feel the dynamic setting up - he likes me more than I like him. I hate that feeling, and the uncontrollable urge to pull back. I know it seems like a snap judgment, but when I've ignored that feeling it hasn't gone well. There's just something about him that bugs me, and it has nothing to do with past addiction or the ten-stretch he did for robbing a pharmacy. No, I'm not making that up. I'm going to go out with him again, to see if the way I feel shifts, but historical data is not favorable.

On another topic - man, I wish my chiro had adjusted my right hip in addition to my left.

You should like each other about equally. Him liking you more or you liking him more really doesn't work often. Unless it is a small difference. Which is totally different.

Thankfully, I've done all I needed to do in the grieving process, so I believe I'm pretty well off

That is good. I am pretty aware that I haven't even gotten near being done grieving. I've set it aside for a few days at a time, but it's still really there.

Cass, I am keenly aware of how much luxury I have in my life time-wise. I may wish for more money, but I'm blessed with time and people who have been amazingly supportive.

If I had to compartmentalize for family or work, I don't know how I would have coped.

But let me not suggest that I am done. I cried into my pillow last night and then wept in the street when my neighbor told me about her little boy's prayers.

When that awful thing happened at the bus stop the other day, I forgot who was at the end of the leash. As I crouched, ready for a fight, I was defending Bartleby...and used his name when I told the story to a friend shortly after. He will always be a part of me.

{{{bonny}}}

The hand controls on my car stopped working today on my way home from a friend's house. The place where I had the hand controls installed weren't open today because of the heat. I could use some ~ma that they are open tomorrow because I would like to be able to drive again soon.

When that awful thing happened at the bus stop the other day

Wait, what? Did I miss something? What happened?

~ma, sj. Hope it's an easy and cheap fix.

Thanks, smonster. I can't stand it when my car is broken. I can't use anyone else's, and I can't walk very far. So, I feel completely helpless without a car.

Did I not say?

It was so ugly, I probably refrained from speaking of it.

In short, as Cagney and I were walking up 8th St, past a heavily populated bus stop, I became aware of a dog screaming for Cagney's blood. It was in an SUV, with the back windows down about half way.

At one point, the dog had two and a half legs out the window and was coming for us.

I screamed "Roll that window UP!" at the top of my guts.

Suddenly, the people in the bus stop started yelling. I couldn't discern what the others were saying, but an old man hear us started chanting, "Let him out! Let him out!"

I swept Cagney behind me and maneuvered him in front of the old man.

There was no rational thought in play. I looked in the old man's eye and said, "Really?" but thought, "you first, dude."

I crouched, preparing to take the dog on the my non-dominant arm and planned to do what I know needs to be done in such situations.

Thankfully, by the time I as ready, the light had changed and the car pulled way with the animal still bellowing for blood.

I was so AMPed, it is a miracle I didn't slug anyone. As it was, the old man slunk away sheepishly in the heat of my glare.

I simply could not believe how ugly that crowd was.