I am known for saying "measure twice, cut once, go home earlier" at work.

Steph, what did the doc say? Or do they need to culture it?

The doctor said it's 95% likely that it's NOT a UTI. She's treating me for bacterial vaginosis (I have no idea why I whitefonted that; it's just that the name sounds...wrong) but said to call if the abdominal pressure turns into full-on pain, and/or if I have blood in my urine. Based on everything I told her w/r/t our sexytimes (we switched brands of lube in the last month or so, and that's when things started to just feel Not Right in the magical ladyparts), she said probably the different lube had something that was an irritant, and continued use of it just got overwhelmingly irritating to my ladyparts, and then some freeloading bacterium and its friends thought that would be a good place to set up shop.

The pressure in my abdomen that I thought was from a UTI is just because everything is all irritated and inflamed, and when it's inflamed, it has nowhere to go but towards the bladder. So -- pressure.

Treatment is topical, so no sexytimes (at least, no PIV sexytimes, and probably no recreational fun for my ladyparts in any way) for another 5 days at least.

Stupid internal plumbing. (Also, I hate peeing in the specimen cup. It's To Build A Fire without the freezing to death.)

Steph you might try taking AZO even though you don't have a UTI. It can sometomes help other types of bladdrer pain.

Steph, that sounds like absolutely no fun. Glad you went to the doctor! The ladyparts, they can be so delicate.

sj, Liese, javachik, thank you all. I know I need to strengthen my assertiveness. That's the positive that will come from this situation.

You can do it. It's super hard. But in your field you're going to need to, and you're badass enough the strength from it can come from your competence.

Ow. It was an exam day, and now it's a Vicodin night. Papers are heavy. Also, the exam was in one of those lecture halls where you need to walk up and down stairs to get to the seats, and the stairs had no railing, so I killed my knees and ankles going up and down to answer student questions.

Oy, Hil, that sounds tiring.

My eyebrow has been twitching since before the hockey game started. I thought you all should know. It feels like I should be making nefarious plans or something.

Wow, what a day. Aside from all the waiting for credit union stuff, today turned into quite the productive day. Tons of meetings. And my shop crew really kicking butt!! It's the first time all school year we had time to just out stuff away, and make it look pretty (vs unpack the trunks from old show and start pulling for the new show right away) Still lots to do, but oh boy, so much prettier!!

Usually when the shop hours are done, I go back to my desk and do more emails/paperwork stuff. Today decided to just head home before I got exhausted. Needing to do both groceries and laundry, I thought it best to save some spoons. Oops. Well. Driving home in traffic, I nearly fell asleep at the wheel. I pick up 2 bags of groceries. Get home, and quickly realize, no matter how much I need to do laundry, it will not be done tonight. Eat a microwave dinner while watching Hawaii 5-o, and pass out faster then I have in forever! I wake up, thinking it must be 4am, it was such a deep sleep. Nope. Just after midnight. Woa. Now, just waiting for second sleep to kick in.

On the up side, my muscles feel a lot better this evening then they did this morning. I was still feeling the aches from Sunday night/Monday.

Dear workers,

I know you are up at 6 AM every day and probably think I am terribly lazy for not doing the same. However, this is the first day I have had to sleep in since the move, and I need some notice if you're just going to show up because it rains.

No love,

sj

My darling Buffistas --

This is somewhat of a confession, and a cri de couer.

I have been -- not just bitten, but rather ravaged -- by the Black Dog in the last several weeks -- and I am asking for -ma or help or reaffirmations or what-not.

It was has been bad. No, I am not suicidal, but so down and lethargic and and unable to DO anything.

I hereby apologize for those to whom I have promised help, and hope you may find in it in your generous hearts to forgive me for any dereliction of duty on my part. Those of you who know exactly of which I speak, I beg mea culpa and wish you to know that I am attempting with much determination to get my ass back on the track and get my ass in gear, and I humbly beg forgiveness for those who I have wronged by my retreat from the world and my responsibilities. Much mea culpa.

I am now attempting to drag myself -- with bloody, scraped fingernails and scabbed knees -- out of this.

I am not precisely certain what has been the catalyst for this recent bout of depression, but I am going to do my best to kick my ass into...well, not high gear, I suppose, but into gear.

My husband has been worried, and has taken up the majority of duties in the household, with merely has exacerbated my feelings of guilt and powerlessness. I have ignored not only my Buffista friends, but also my meatspace friends, which, as anyone knows who as also been bitten on the ass by Le Chien Noir, merely makes worse a bad situation.

The cloud remains over my head, and it's hard for me to write this -- it makes me want to cry (although I haven't been able to cry, and perhaps that has been part of the problem.

Before I lose my nerve and delete this post, I would like to apologize to any to whom this 'sode has hurt or frustrated with all my black little heart.

Writing this has been difficult for me, especially since -- in the past, I have prided myself on my honesty and forthrightness.

I will also be reaching out to my meatspace friends and making amends. But not today.

I plan to take the next two days to clean not only my home -- which, in the best depresso/anxiety funk -- has fallen into a squaloresque disarray -- and I find that, as always, I cannot clean up my mental process whilst living in a DMZ zone. And then, once this has started, then I maybe able to organize the rest of my responsibilities.

I really hope that I haven't burned any bridges here, which has been, so many times, my lifeline.

I feel guilt for posting this, as so many Buffistas have been dealing with life circumstances which render my troubles -- comparatively -- less than a fart in a windstorm, but, as many of you know, one cannot compare pain and guilt to that which other have suffered, as one persons horrific problems does not negate the seemingly lesser problems of others, like myself.

Many people declare that they do not need hairpats or hugs.

I do. But I also request ass-kicking in a general, although not mean nature, (if someone were to be mean to me right now, it would Not Be A Good Thing, as I have been mean enough to myself that this would likely send me to my bed with a case of the hysterical vapors.)

I ask for general support. Yes, hairpats would be welcome, but not phone calls. I fear I would curl into a fetal ball if I were forced to interact on the phone to people. Texts are welcome, as are e-mail messages -- although please do not recommend that I see a therapist, as the thought of finding one and revealing my Sad Sack story would send me off the screaming deep end.

I do not know, as is so often the case when being ravaged by that dusky puppy, what has set this off, but I am determined to claw my way out of this, by hook or by crook. I am not prepared to talk to my meatspace friends about this yet, because, as loving as they are, I feel that more Buffistas have similar experiences to mine, and after (hopefully) gaining some type of reshoring of my psyche in the next few days, I will be able to take this steps, but I am not quite prepared to take (continued...)