(just kidding). really.

F2F in Italy does sound awesome ...

It's going to take at least 6 months to close out his estate.

I recall way way way up thread, you mention of the difficulty in facing this task. Understandably so. If nothing else, this idea/plan of moving to Italy could serve as the perfect catalyst to help you with the task. Sometimes a light is needed at the end of the tunnel. A focus on the finish line helps one jump over the hurdles.

Maria, can you have someone else clean out the basement? Someone who can donate the furniture and box up the electronics for you to deal with later? Paint it an outrageous color? I don't know that living in a haunted house is good for you.

If nothing else, it will give you something to focus on for the time being.

Maria, we are in vastly different places but I certainly understand the need/desire to have something you would enjoy to focus on. After I got divorced (the first time) and my brother told my parents he had been sexually abused, they needed a change and something to look forward to. This pushed them to design and build their NM house. They lived there for 10 years. Now, things have changed. Time and the mountains healed things and gave them the peace they wanted. They will both be here in Colorado and renting their mountain house by June because they are now ready for something new.

ION, I really need to pee but Sammy is found asleep on my lap and likely to wake if I move him. I guess I font have to pee bad enough because at the moment, I still prefer he sleep. As of yesterday, he is three months old.

Thank you, all. I really appreciate the checks and balances.

Maria, can you have someone else clean out the basement?

I'm OK in the basement when there are other people in the house. I will eventually be OK when it's just me, though I'm most definitely donating the furniture. I can't look at it without seeing him there.

I don't know that living in a haunted house is good for you.

This was a real issue right after it happened. My imagination went into overdrive. I don't think it's haunted though, just full of memories both good and bad.

Stephanie, I think it's my desire to figure out my life without him, and my general impatience that's driving this. I want to have a life full of good things and people that bring me joy, and this is an opportunity to break myself out of some bad habits and change some behaviours that do nothing but hurt people. In my more self-critical moments, I am convinced I have a personality disorder--narcissistic or borderline. I can be mean and hurtful and spiteful and cruel, and I don't want my future relationships with anyone to go down the same path Rob's and my relationship did.

Maria, I hope you find what you need.

My family is here helping. They are currently arguing about curtains. Send liquor.

They are currently arguing about curtains. Send liquor.

I'll send vodka wrapped in curtains. Solves both problems.

I hope they don't make this move more stressful for you, sj.

No, they are helping. They're just arguing over every step as they go. I really do love my loud, Italian family. However, I'm out of boxes again so there is not much for me to do other than worry about what they're doing.

And I started my day with a flat tire, so I was already stressed.