Scrappy, he's doing well, thanks.

It's been an interesting month of pendulum swinging emotions which has confirmed something DavidS said to me just a couple of days after Bartleby died.

I _need_ to love and to have a focus for that energy in my life. Though my heart is not truly open to him right now, he definitely has provided that focus and caused me to climb out of myself in a great way.

Cagney is a wonderful creature...who is so different from Bartleby that it brings into sharp relief what a special dog he was. But, the difference is challenging me to learn new things and be in the world in a different way. Both of which are good.

There is still a small doubt that Cagney won't make the final cut as the doggy lama dog, ONLY because I wonder if he might be happier in a two dog house...which will never be my house. He LOVES...is crazy about...cannot live without...every other dog he meets.

So, I've had his own business cards printed up (virtually for free, I'm not that crazy) so that I can set up play dates in my yard. So far, it's working really well.

I've trained him to carry a pack, which he has taken to like a champion. He is sweet, 'lovey' and cheerful. He is learning, though is the slower more stubborn way that Bulldogs can. Plus, he's in the adolescent "I know what you are saying, but frankly couldn't care less" phase...which is wearing on my high standards like whoa.

I'm proud of myself for hiring a Bulldog specialist because there was a LOT I did not know about his breed that could have sent us down a very hard road for a long time. The challenge is fun...and challengy.

Ginger, I totally endorse the record breaking survivor plan.

Ginger, that is a fucking awesome plan.

You are so smart and generous and witty and amazing.

Ginger, you have so many amazing skills and you share them so generously.

When I went through my email archive to find your address, I found the many occasions when you've seen me ask a question about how to do something graphical in nature and just DID it for me, without question.

Not to mention the numbers of times you have made me laugh or nod appreciatively at some wisdom you shared.

That energy is needed in this world. So, again, I'm down with the 17+ plan. Like Nora said, you are an AMAZON. Fact.

Ginger, I approve of this 17 year plan. I disapprove of cancer.

Oh Ginger. I'm just so sorry. Beaming all good vibes your way. And? FUCK CANCER!!!!!

I _need_ to love and to have a focus for that energy in my life. Though my heart is not truly open to him right now, he definitely has provided that focus and caused me to climb out of myself in a great way.

Harvey patiently loved me through four years of grieving Pachisi, my soul-cat, who died a week and a half before he was born. He loved me and did his feline best to make me feel better. He let me get away with merely taking care of him as best I could, with thinking of him and loving him as "just a cat", rather than loving him wholeheartedly. Because I did not have a whole heart. I knew I would never love another cat the way I loved Pachisi. And that is true. I don't love Harvey the way I loved that other cat. I love Harvey the way I love Harvey. And I love Sammie the way I love Sammie.

I hope that you are able to come to that kind of healing sooner than I did. But this is no race. It will happen when it happens for you. Whether it is Cagney or another creature who loves you and receives your brokenhearted love in return between now and then, I believe in it.

Like I believe in the Raylan immune cells. Fuck cancer up but good, Raylan.

bonny, I'm struggling with Penny. She's a great cat, very affectionate and cuddly. Much more than Maddie was, and way more than Anna (the cat I had for 20 years) but occasionally I find myself resenting her or think she's annoying.

But those feelings pass and I love her and grow more attached to her.

I hope that you are able to come to that kind of healing sooner than I did. But this is no race. It will happen when it happens for you.

Mwah. I hope so too.

Thanks, also, askye.

I am fond of Cagney. He's as sweet as can be. People say I should not compare. I'd be _lying_ like a bastard if I said I was not. My love of authenticity requires me to be honest. But, I don't think I'm being unfair. He's doing the best with what he has. None of that is actively bad.

(...except of course for the chewing of vintage...cannot be replaced...molding where everyone who enters my house can see it. argh.)

(Somewhere in Ginger's lymph system, sometime shortly. "Well, it's done...they're gone. Darnedest thing."
"Do I want to hear this?

"No, I expect that you do not."

"I so *value* these little chats."