A Marine once told me--it's usually former Marine, not ex-Marine. It was apparently a very important distinction.

So, yeah, it stood out to me too.

While perusing Craigslist, I found the following ad. Not what I expected when I clicked an ad for a "professional 'Daddy'" but still an eyebrow-raiser - [link].

"GUARANTEED"? Really? Can we sic this creepy guy on Ginger's creepy guy?

I think Ex-Licensed might be the key words here. Oy.

Oh, yeah. I'm not sure, but I think if I had meant to explain that having officially retired from my profession, I have let certain professional credentials lapse, I would want to express it "retired ____".

Friend divorce quick update: got a message admitting that, in fact, her outburst may have been extreme, but she is lonely.

I wrote a fairly long message to let her know that although I may not be around to chat as much as I used to, she is one of my oldest friends in the world, and I love her. That said, I told her that she hurt me, and that I wish she hadn't expressed her loneliness by cutting people out of her life. I said I needed to take some time and not talk to her for a while.

So I feel pretty OK about telling her how I felt without escalating the situation. This is the second time she's done this and I don't know that I want to give her a chance for the third.

I feel bad for her. I know she's lonely. But.

That's...disturbing. (In reply to the ad).

Nora, that's really hard, but it sounds like you did the right thing.

So apparently I am too stupid to own a smartphone, because I guess when setting up Facebook, Twitter and Gmail, I imported ALL of my contacts from there. I have like 8 contacts that have my sister's name. First AND last. WHAT?

And I texted my sister (I thought) to be all "Woo, I have a new phone! And it's COOL!" and I get a "Who's this?"

So I think, of course, something happened with CallerID in the shift, and I reply "It's your fucking sister."

Nothing. So I call her, and my sister picks up, and I say "Well, it's fucking ME, I don't know what happened, but it's really cool!"

And she was all "What the HELL are you smoking?"

Long story short, I have NO idea who I texted, but about a half-hour later, I get a text "I don't even HAVE a sister." And some poor person who has my sisters cell number from 2001 or something gets this obscene crazy text from me, pulled it from an old contact of my sister's on my hotmail account that's linked to my gmail. I apologized, but the person thought it was funny...

But the moral of this story is that I have a TON of y'all in my new phone now, so if you get some fucked up shit from me between now and tomorrow when I read the manual, I apologize in advance.

I'm going to try not to TOUCH THE NEW PHONE until then. It might explode.

(But I still love you, crazy shiny foamy new working phone with the internets! YAY!)

Nora, sounds like you handled it very well. I hope she takes your response to heart.

Erin, oy. That sounds... problematic!

Dear film shoot, please post the effin' call times for tomorrow so I can go the fuck to sleep. Thx, me.

Melatonin: POSTED, yay. 9:30 am, so Nora, won't be doing laundry but will likely still need animal feeding assistance.

Oh, it'll be fine! Free upgrade! WOO!

It censored my text to D earlier; I managed to find and turn THAT button off right away. I texted "It's fucking AWESOME!" and it censored me to f******* awesome.

But now I can get consistent reception at my house. D is very happy; he was like "I haven't heard a shriek of "COCKSUCKAAAAA!" from upstairs all night. It must work ok!"

Erin I feel your pain. I got a smartphone and did the import contacts thing. I ended up with all these weord random contacts from email.

I fucked up today. I forgot to refill my seoquel. I have none. Noe now I'm trying to figure out of its safe to take some klonopin and ambien a together.

Ambien alone isnt enough forr me to sleep well.

Hmm. Depends on how your bod reacts to Klonopin, but then I have to take enough Ambien and Xanax nightly to tranq an elephant to just get 6 hours, so I am not the best judge of normal person dosages.

Nora, if it makes you feel better, this happened to me when i took my iPhone to the Apple Store. First, they couldn't figure out why my contacts wouldn't sync across the cloud, then they ended up duplicating every contact. I had to escalate up two levels at the store (which made me feel better, cause I was thinking that I had screwed something up.) After several minutes of uploading and downloading and deleting, etc., they thought that it had been fixed. And then, I realized that they had managed to duplicate the fields within contacts. I had to go through every contact and edit.