Erin, my friend is fairly prominent on the 'net and I'm assuming he has enough to deal with in his inbox, but it was still a little sad making.

After giving it some thought, a fairly significant epiphany came to me. (are there any INsignificant epiphanies?)

Lots of people are uncomfortable with talking about money. Given the issues that I've had myself, it makes sense that I would have populated my life with people of similar views.

My friends are not my client base, so it makes sense that they would not want to hear about this stuff.

Given this, I need to find the people for whom what I have to offer is a value.

I just wish I knew the best way to do that...like, now.

But more than anything, I realize that I have to STOP looking backward for my support. That's a tough one.

bonny, that's a positive realization.

I know we talked about posting on blogs, and this is a nice, positive, woman-run, female-oriented website I subscribed to for my own money issues: [link]

You might look at things and comment with your professional name, website and email addy.

What about blogging on BlogHer? I've only posted one post there, and I got a few hits.

Thanks Erin. That is an excellent tip.

Aww, bonny, the pain sucks -- but don't ever assume it's a reflection on you personally. It may not even be the subject matter.

I never, ever subscribe to email newsletters. If I get added to one, I zap it immediately. If it's a friend, I assume they were just adding their contact list, and absolutely no harm to the real relationship that matters; but if it's some random mailing, they go on my list of people to never, ever do any kind of business with. (And I'm not saying that *yours* is random or not-to-do-business-with. Rather, an illustration of how much I totally hate the things when they're *not* from someone I know.)

Even then, I end up on a hell of a lot of them, and ruthlessly cull them all periodically. It's all to do with my feelings about email newsletters, and nothing to do with my feelings about real people I know who truly find them valuable.

And remember: your friend values you, but all your readers and the other humans in your circle get to choose where they interact, whether that's your newsletter, your site, in person only, etc etc. The more you put yourself out to a wider variety of channels, the more choices *they* have. And just because some business advice site says you HAVE to push your e-newsletter, doesn't mean it's the right choice for any one of those people.

...

Wait, what am I saying? I'm also the ruthless bitch who tosses people's xeroxed xmas newsletters without reading them. Take all the touchy-feely pro-marketing-choice stuff up there w/ one large grain of salt, could be just me.

No, amych, I take your point, and it is a good one.

I feel pretty limited in my access to people's eyes. The newsletter is a way to get things out there, but I can honestly say that of the dozens and dozens of issues I've published over the years...at one point, every week for 3 years, I can count the number of clients I've gotten from them on one hand and change.

I think Erin may be onto something, that what I need to do is start writing on other people's blogs to drive traffic to my own. That makes so much sense, but just never occurred to me.

More than anything, I think I need an overall plan that I can stick to, and have some faith in. That last bit is the hardest part, really.

I'm calling SCORE right now to set up an appointment. I had a terrible experience with them the last time...about 11 years ago, but I really need some guidance now. So, time for another shot.

The caveat to my suggestion, bonny, is I totally only do it when I genuinely have gotten something from a blog post, and am contributing to the convo or really think the writer said something awesome.

I know you wouldn't...

I am always SO EXCITED when someone comments on a blog post!

Most of the moderate comments emails I get from WP ended up being spammers, and I am so sad. "WOO...Oh. Dammit. I WANTED TO ENGAGE!"

Rather than grammar nazi, how about grammar dominatrix?

Interesting...

Don't think I'm allowing a safeword, though.

The caveat to my suggestion, bonny, is I totally only do it when I genuinely have gotten something from a blog post, and am contributing to the convo or really think the writer said something awesome.

Oh, of course.

One if my greatest struggles and the pr director for a non-profit years ago was being forced to publish 'content-free' press releases, etc.

That sort of thing causes me physical pain, so yeah. Maybe that's why I'm so poor at self-promotion!

Yeah, I'm sorry you had a bad experience with SCORE. My experience with them was really great, and I know they have the kind of expertise you could really benefit from here.

I guess basically with your newsletter, you need to work out what you want to achieve with them, and then you can tackle how best to get those results. My newsletter basically is my product. It's pretty much the only benefit my donors get from me, since they pay for work to be done with someone else. So we put a lot of time and effort into it, because we know it's an important part of our corporation.

And furthermore, we know that our donations go up the month we send out a newsletter (ours are quarterly) infallibly. So it's directly tied to our revenues. The SO is a good writer, so between all those factors, we have a really excellent read rate.

But even at that, there are a few things to keep in mind. One is that the read rate you're getting back from Mail Chimp/Constant Contact type people is not entirely accurate. I know one of my accounts looks like it never opens or reads the letter, because I have my privacy/security settings locked down. I don't load remote content, I don't sent back any tracking data, so even though I've read it, it looks like I haven't.

As far as subscriptions go, I know it's easy to follow those and feel like all your success or failure rides on that, but try not to take it personally. Like Amy says, there are a lot of reasons why people read or don't read email, many of which have nothing to do with you or the content you provide.

I have a good friend who I helped send into the non-profit field, that I care very much about, and I just saw a letter from him saying he was coming off the field. I had to panic and page back through months of his past letters before I worked out that everything was okay, that he was just coming back for a few months and would be headed back after that. Which is what I'd thought initially. My failure to read his vital updates had nothing to do with how much I cared about him or wanted to know about what was going on. It had way more to do with the way I managed my email.

All of which is a lot of words to say, don't read too much into it.

I really appreciate this, Liese.

It is true that I have been putting way too much emphasis on the numbers. Which, in the over all scheme of things, are meaningless.

One good thing I did for myself was to turn off the email notifications letting me know when people unsubscribe. Now I just need to resist the urge to click the number and find out who bailed. It doesn't matter who leaves!

I'm going to retry SCORE with an open heart.

When I went to them and the SBA last, it was for a different business than I am in now, so my focus shift may get me a better result.

Also, I spoke with the director of the local office a couple of months ago and he told me that if I get a bad result again I should go directly to him and he'd find me a good fit. That reassurance felt so much better.

The original counselor was sort of a Rat Pack throw-back who had retired from the garment business in NYC. When I mentioned that I wanted to pursue government contracts for management consulting he snorted, 'Why the hell would you want to do THAT?'

Um. Because this is a company town and SCORE's biggest mandate is to get women/minority owned businesses into the government stream. That's why.

I could not get another counselor, and then just gave up.

This time, I have a much clearer, if less marketable goal. I'm hoping I can ask better questions and get a more supportive contact.

The one big difference this time is that I will not give up.