Because I'm lazy, I'm trying to find the best store-bought apple pie. I say lazy, because the Cook's Illustrated recipe has excellent crust, and home-made is something that suits apple pie very well.

So far, I think Trader Joes wins. Boston Market had horrible pastry, and there's something off about Marie Callender. I mean, I'll finish it, but it's not proper.

Any recs for good store-bought chain pies?

Cocos has decent pies.

Now I want apple pie.

One good thing about living in the South is that I can just go buy a jar of cinnamon apples from Cracker Barrel and bake that into a premade pie crust.

The cats are getting antsy about dinner. Which would only be annoying, but Spare Cat starts nipping if I don't start working on it.

What's improper about a Marie Callendar's pie?

What's improper about a Marie Callendar's pie?

The pastry falls apart too much, and there's an over-fermented taste to the filling. Trader Joes has pie with more...continuity, and the apple tastes fresher and less sweet.

I'm trying to convince my mother to let me and my sister have children by the same guy. She thinks she wouldn't be able to hold her head up in society, but I think it would be great! It would be that thing the [itaslastname] kids did.

Note that my brothers did that, sort of. But since they are identical twins, genetically speaking their two separate batches of kids by different wives are in a sense half-siblings, instead of having to get all fancy with insemination and whatnot.

My grandfather's sister Clara had a husband and children. That husband (Vic) then seduced my grandpa's baby sister (she was in late teens I think?) and ran off and married her. And then they had kids. Vic wasn't popular in my family, no sirree.