I think you punch mountain lions. Theoretically. And probably outdated theory at that. I am not advising anyone to go punch a mountain lion. Or a bear. Or anyone.

Oh, hey, coffee, that's a good idea.

MY Bear Contingency Plan involves staying away from places where there are bears walking around outside cages.

I plan not to punch any bears. And probably to die while running away screaming.

We're okay in West Chester, but I was surprised to find lots of school closings and delays on the news this morning. Apparently the whole Scranton area is being evacuated, too.

I can never remember what kind of bear you're supposed to play dead for and what kind you're supposed to punch in the face. (Grizzlies, dead; brown bear, punch?) This is why I will probably be eaten by a bear.

Grizzlies are brown bears. The advice is that you should play dead for a brown bear, as their attack is likely a response to a perceived threat (you terrified a grizzly! You are the most badass chew toy ever!) You fight a black bear, because they'll be trying to eat you, and lying still just makes it easier for them.

Unfortunately, neither rule is particularly reliable.

Things seem to be bad in Maryland - flooding, roads closed, schools closed, and at least one county government closed and the others have announced a "liberal leave" policy (basically, if you can't get to work you won't be penalized).

Grizzlies are brown bears

See? I told you I'd probably get eaten.

Stay safe & dry, mid-Atlanticistas! I should call my parents.

Grizzlies are brown bears. The advice is that you should play dead for a brown bear, as their attack is likely a response to a perceived threat (you terrified a grizzly! You are the most badass chew toy ever!) You fight a black bear, because they'll be trying to eat you, and lying still just makes it easier for them.

Unfortunately, neither rule is particularly reliable.

I attended a talk many years ago by a Yellowstone biologist. What he said was that Grizzlys attack for two reasons:

1) They perceive you as a threat or a challenge, and they go after your face. Usually this is when you bump into them on the trail or whatever. In this instance the best response is to fall on the ground, curl up in a ball, and cover your head/face with your arms. Don't try to fight back because that continues the impression that you are a threat. They'll likely bat you about a bit, and then go away. Under no circumstances should you run. They had pictures of what happens if you run.

2) The second reason is that they see you as food. That's usually when they come into the camp and so forth--they seek you out. In that instance, fight back as hard as you can, because if you don't, you get eaten. Sometimes this works.

I don't know what happened with the bear-guy in Alaska who thought they were his friends and they ate him anyway.

That's all Grizzlys, though: I think with black bears, you should fight back because they're more likely to be afraid of people.

I wish the Jurassic Park T-Rex advice worked on everything. I'm excellent at freeze tag.

The problem with T-Rex advice is that I suspect T-Rex hunted as much or more by smell as movement.

If West Chester is okay - I hope that means that Glenmoore is too. (I have family there.)