Dear History Channel,

I have occasionally enjoyed programming on your network in the past, while growing dismayed by the increasing devotion of schedule time to ice road truckers and people who travel from junkyard to junkyard. But after checking the listings and finding that you are now scheduling Larry the Cable Guy shows in multiple primetime slots, I feel it's for the best that we go our separate ways.

I love my dog but she's not a person. Her penchant for pooping in the kitchen when she decides she can't be bothered to wait until she's let out would be one clue.

I am stuck in San Antonio in the Most Boring Work Conference Ever, and I'm sick as a dog. I went through two packets of tissues yesterday in transit and I am now venturing out into the mobs of spring break tourists to find some Theraflu that I can have the hotel bar mix up for me before I go to bed. (I love Advil-D but it keeps me awake.)

I am also reassured that ita got home safely, that Ginger is sure we're not all going to die from a nuclear apocalypse, and that Grace's surgery went okay.

I have got to get out of here soon. Now annoying coworker is sending me IMs that go like this.

Hey Daisy

I just sent an email.

The subject was The Task I Needed to Do Today

If I'm actually going to do it tomorrow.

Is it ok to email that today?

Why the typing out a few words at a time? Why not write the whole thing and hit send.

Matt, I think that's for the best.

Shouldn't that be...

Matt,

I

think

that's

for

the

best.

DJ, how old is your coworker?

I learned to do that in IM because I didn't have a "typing" indicator and back in the old days, and that was how I learned to let people know I was typing.

Otherwise I would get interrupted typing long responses with "still there?"

Actually it would be like 7 posts, each with a different word.

But it's annoying me in IM, so I'm not doing that to y'all.

Mid-thirties? She seems my age.

She makes me dread my office IM. Dude, don't use me as a proxy so that you don't ask everyone stupid questions. Ask them the stupid question, they won't think you're stupid as long as you only ask it once.

I swear though, every fucking morning it's shping Good Morning! shping Do I need to put in a request shping for the thing that is my fucking job? shping Or do you have it?

I could probably keep an indoor plant alive if it would scratch at the door for more sunlight and looking longingly at the faucet.

Ooh. That'd be nice.

Personally, I know I don't care enough for pets, societally (ie, I would not be spending $500 on surgery if they swallowed something they shouldn't have), so I don't have any. If/when I feel the need for that...well, maybe.

Timelies all!

I'm in the "love my cats, but know full well that they are cats" category. We may jokingly speak for the cats, but we hold no illusions that they are intelligent in the way humans are.

Matt, the segment where Larry the Cable Guy skated with a roller derby team was actually worth the 12 minutes to watch it. I wouldn't say that for the rest of his show.

I didn't want another dog while the kids were little. They really don't get enough attention when you have little kids. I'm glad we inherited Cody--especially since I found that Chihuahuas do NOT shed! And his messes, like him, are small.

Having kids changed the way I feel about pets. Not that I don't love them, but they slid down a few rungs on the family hierarchy.