My middle name is after my grandfather.

Lord of the Rings as performed by one dude [link]

My porn name would be Cindy Noon. Not very exciting. Or Bagdad 19th, which sounds more like a porn name from a weird dystopia.

My pseudonym (for when I write a best-selling YA novel and sell out to Hollywood) is Cecilia McMahon. You heard it here first! (It's my maternal grandmother's first name and my paternal grandmother's last name.)

ION, I just found out more information about the never-ending zombie hiring process. Turns out the previous Big Boss in charge of my division unilaterally changed my job title/series/description, without telling anyone (not even me). So when they tried to announce and rehire me, they couldn't because that position doesn't exist anymore.

t head-desk to infinity

So now they're looking at yet another temporary appointment, or hiring me for the short term through a contractor, which means all-new (different) benefits and shit like that.

I'm pretty much decided to leave early and start drinking.

That whole thing is like a masterclass in bad employee retention.

I'm pretty much decided to leave early and start drinking.

Sounds like an excellent plan. Are they going to announce and (re)hire for this phantom new position? (Obviously not soon enough).

Consuela, who do you work for?! All I keep picturing is that commercial with monkeys overrunning an office.

My porn name sounds like it should be my soap opera name instead: Priscilla Coolidge.

If I could come up with my own porn name, I think it would have to be Angel Kake.

Porn name: Pepper Magnolia. Kinda has an Ellroy feeling, I guess.

If I had to come up with a porn name, I think I'd pick Studley Do-Right.

If I had actually married a dude I was engaged to ages ago, I would have a porn star name, Heather Hunter.

That whole thing is like a masterclass in bad employee retention.

Pretty much, yeah. If my quality of life hadn't improved by like 200% when I started this job, I wouldn't have stayed this long. The people here are not nearly as cool & competent as at my previous job, and the management is ridiculously incompetent in many ways, but I'm still so much happier than I was there, I can't see leaving yet.

Amy, I work for a federal agency that fishes people out of the water. Among other things.

I admit that a good part of the problem seems to be specific to my particular office, where the current division chief is someone who's never held a job anywhere else, and seems to take Mad Men as a business management guide rather than fiction. (Though to be fair he's never hit on anyone: but he treats professional staff like junior high students, plays favorites, and is far more interested in his own power base than in actually supporting the mission.) If there were a change of personnel at that level, I suspect things would improve immensely. Not that it's ever going to happen.

Advice for Buffistas:

Do not attempt to change the blade of a mandoline for the first time after a very long day and a glass of wine. Especially if you do not have bandaids