Why are people at work doing their damnedest to drive me bugfuck today?

The Most Emailed 'New York Times' Article Ever (a parody)

Bingo!

Australia really has the coolest animals. Granted, some want to kill you but they do it in really nifty ways. It's like they got sent off on their own and were like, "Fine, I'll evolve totally different creatures. I don't need your biodiversity, I've got my own." And then the mammals laid eggs or got venomous and, lo, the Discovery Channel rejoiced.

... I might not have had enough sleep last night (okay, this morning) ...

A church threatens to hand over a member to Satan if she won't repent for her sin. Her sin was getting a divorce.

That could have been written by the Freak-Ass Church. They did basically the same thing to someone while I was there (which was the beginning of the end for me, because I just couldn't agree with that kind of attitude). And when someone else left the church (not because of divorce, but just because he was a human with free will and agency who decided the church wasn't for him), my home church had a meeting specifically about him, and how we were to treat him if we encountered him -- we didn't have to shun him like the divorced person, because he "didn't leave the church due to sin," but we were not supposed to "waste" time with him that we could otherwise be using "profitably for THE LORD."

I believe the phrase was "if he decided to leave the church, he decided to give up the benefits of our friendship." (Hey, y'all: WWJD? Act like a gaping ASSHOLE, apparently.)

I am so not making that up. Because, of course, the same thing happened to me when I left, which I knew would happen. One of the church elders once said that, of all the people who left the Freak-Ass Church over time, "none of them had a valid reason for leaving." Other than, you know, the whole thing about making your own damn choices because you're a damn adult.

And I actually asked that of the elder -- "There's NO 'valid' reason to leave [FAC]?!?" And he said "No theological reason, no. And that makes them not right with God." You know, I think the people who got the fuck out of that church were "not right" with the church, but just fine with God.

Sign #1 of a cult: you mistake yourself for God.

(That was the same elder who told me that I "wasn't allowed" to date anyone not from our church. To be clear, he didn't say I couldn't date anyone who wasn't a *Christian,* but that I couldn't date someone who didn't belong to our freaky church. Because "You can never know if someone who belongs to another church is *really* a Christian, because a lot of them aren't."

Sign #1 of a cult: YOU THINK YOU'RE GOD. Because last time I checked, I don't really know how some looney dude who thinks he's awesome because he's the church elder of a church full of crazy people is able to know the faith/salvation/whatever status of anyone other than himself. I never figured out if he had radar, ESP, or what.)

It's interesting how people who AREN'T completely separated from reality and batshit crazy can manage to have friendships with people who aren't in their same church (or -- gasp -- not in any church at all).

He is such a fucking tool I can hardly describe it. He was county executive of Milwaukee some nice white suburbs (and also maybe some hellish place in the middle where poor and brown people live) for years. He's a really appalling man and the embodiment of rich resentful white guy.

He's such a whiny bitch! The only reason he's a "businessman" is that he married a rich girl whose father essentially GAVE him his manufacturing business. The man has absolutely ZERO ability at governing.

A church threatens to hand over a member to Satan if she won't repent for her sin. Her sin was getting a divorce.

Huh... well first I would say the New Testament makes having The Sex after a divorce the bad thing (the same as adultery), not the divorce itself. Secondly, I would think sinners (technically everybody but Jesus) are exactly the sort of people you want going to a church even if they don't repent.

And then the mammals laid eggs or got venomous

Or both!

We took Ryan to Healesville Sanctuary the other week. He's at the age where animals fascinate him like nothing else. (So's his Daddy, come to think of it.) He had a great time - I think the pelicans were his favourite. Emus were a hit too. Still too nervous to pat the dingoes though.

He's at the age where animals fascinate him like nothing else.

Has he witnessed the birth of a mammal yet?

Has he witnessed the birth of a mammal yet?

Hey, if his Daddy can wait till he's 39, so can Ryan.