Make my family go awaaaay.

I'm writing the death notice, setting up the online memorial and scanning the pictures. I may be writing the eulogy. The newspapers are annoyingly coy about how much a death notice costs. I assume they hope you will, in your grief, write thousands of words and then have to pay for them.

My mother and some other relatives out of town are mad because they haven't set a time for the memorial service, even though 1) He just died this morning. 2) He's being cremated. 3) The poor beleaguered granddaughter making the arrangements was up from 2 a.m. on and had to spend hours at the funeral home making arrangements. 4) His wife was just moved to hospice, and she may get better enough to attend a service or it may be a joint memorial service 5) His wife is, however, conscious enough to throw monkey wrenches at every proposal and also believes that she's perfectly fine.

Oh Ginger. All my sympathies, for the loss, of course, but even more for the issues.

sj, we must have pictures. Must! I can't wait to see you in your dress. Mrs. Married SJ!

Woo and verily hoo for effective druggery, smonster.

And yays and huzzahs for it's nothing-ness, Sox.

David, I'm so sorry. Condolences to his family and all who knew and loved him.

My former dentist and I had an agreement. He agreed not to numb me unless he was working very near or on a nerve. I agreed not to flinch or bite, and to believe him when he said, "You're going to need it this time". I would also prefer to skip the numbing part. I'm sore for days from the needles (usually four), and numb from hairline to collarbone for up to six hours after the procedure is done. No.like.dental.numbing.

I just got a really bad ratemyprofessors rating, so now I'm eating ice cream. (The comment actually pointed out several things that I know I was messing up at the beginning of the semester but have been working on improving. I disagree with one of the things it says, but the others are mostly things that I knew and have been working on, but it hurts to see it on the screen like that, anyway.)

Beverly, there will be pictures as soon as I am able to post them. Now if someone would just teach my mother to not be afraid of the internets...My dress is so very pretty. I am so glad I decided to have it made.

{{{Ginger}}} I'm sorry your family is making this difficult time more difficult.

You're typing the eulogy right? Wouldn't want a Larry David moment(although that was one of the funniest half-hours ever)

Aims and Cass, you two did not blank, the rest of the world played a mean trick on you.

Ginger, if I could make them go away, I would. Instead, I'll send vodka.

Sox, that's wonderful news!

smonster has a cool doc, and bonus on not having caused herself any real trauma.

And then, then the molar cracked and I had to have it pulled. Yeah. Suddenly being numb was BETTER THAN CHRISTMAS.

Oh, don't get me wrong. When it involves yanking teeth out of my mouth, I go a step beyond. When I had some teeth pulled before I got my braces--way back in the last century--I went completely under. Nothing less than general for that.

Ginger, my condolences on your loss.

Aims and Cass, you two did not blank, the rest of the world played a mean trick on you.

Yes, it inserted a whole week when I thought there wasn't a week. Bad world, no In n Out cheeseburger for me tonight.

Ginger, I'm sorry that you're laden down with all that stress. I can relate to family craziness around funerals. I hope it goes better soon.

Hil, I'm sorry you got a bad rating. That sucks. I hope your students see you've tried to address those early issues and go and put more current and favorable reviews there.

This might be a bit too self-indulgent or maudlin for folks so I've tried to whitefont. I don't really have anyone that I can talk to in person about this kind of stuff:

I feel at sea.

Since moving back in with the 'rents, whole gobs of long-standing family dynamics issues have come up with me. I wanted to try to discuss them with my mom. And find out what she's thinking as well. She didn't understand me. In fact, she misunderstood me so she took it to be mere complaining about nitty gritty housemate issues rather than the long-standing stuff. Rather than about the parent-child relationship and triangulation between the many siblings. Instead of being interested or concerned, she was just annoyed. I think that will be the last time I try to talk about my feelings with my mom.

It's very difficult to make peace with the idea that you're never going to get what you wanted out of your dysfunctional family situation. That's the way it was, the way it is, and probably how it ever will be.

I've had plenty of therapy but I still feel like I have this big hole in me. Like I'm broken and that it has affected every interpersonal relationship I've ever had, driving off the very thing I want.

I'm supposed to just make peace with it, suck it up, and move on. And I've tried to do that. I guess I just don't know what to do with myself.