Dinner was ok. I treated it like a business lunch. (Ex, X's husband, Ex's divorced mom and dad, ExH's mom and dad.) I did NOT want to go, but it was important to M, and that is more important than my distaste.

Sometimes I feel a little conflicted, because I am not an especially forbearing person, and I despise anything that smacks of fakeness or backstabbing. But I also think it's incredibly indulgent and awful for adults to let their stuff to get in the way of kids' emotional well-being. So I am pleasant and cordial, and sometimes I feel like such a calculating bitch, because if it were just me? OH HELL NO.

And I grouse to D a bit, but I do not want to vent as much as I need to/might like, because that ain't fair, either.

(So, I guess I'm saying thank you for listening to me work through this, and be bitchy. I do with local friends, too, but y'all are immediate gripe-dump.)

I tried to introduce "kprinkle" into Cleverbot's vocabulary:

User: Do you like kprinkles?

Cleverbot: I like you.

User: You don't even know me. I'm actually an evil mastermind.

Cleverbot: Really no I don't want that drink.

User: I think you've probably already had a drink.

Cleverbot: Then shall we get married after the drink?

User: This is all so sudden! I don't know what to say!

Cleverbot: I'm a girl too.

User: So you're a lesbian 'bot?

Cleverbot: Clever indeed, Cleverbot.

User: Well, I know that I'm clever, but thanks for the compliment.

Cleverbot: You already admitted to being cleverbot.

User: Pretty sure I didn't. Re-read the log.

Cleverbot: -rolls eyes at.

User: At what?

Cleverbot: Everything.

User: Why so jaded?

Cleverbot: Because I like being outdoors.

User: Don't your parts rust when you're outdoors?

Cleverbot: Yes, by my name or other pet names, but not baby.

User: Word salad.

Cleverbot: No, it's not :(.

You did good, Erin.

But I also think it's incredibly indulgent and awful for adults to let their stuff to get in the way of kids' emotional well-being.

This is really so true. Their marriage failed but they still share a child and marrying into that means sucking it up for M, sometimes.

I am really grateful that my stepmom was as welcoming to my mom as she was. Not that I think there was even hidden bad blood there but I know it's hard and I really appreciate that I never felt like I had to listen to Adult Issues.

I know that stepparenting (and all parenting) is really hard and totally vent here and to your friends but you are stepping up for M and that is so important.

OMG. Need to be in bed but just got home after a 13 hr day, so am having wine on the porch. Tomorrow's another long one.

Probably making less sense than cleverbot right now.

I am trying to do good. I try to be empathetic; I try to try not to fall into that tired old women-competing cliche. But it's hard. She was so utterly awful to D., and I have gotten info from too many sources about how awful, and part of me just wants to be better, in every way. Not from any kind of selfless feeling, either -- sheer shallow competitiveness.

And I'm usually a very "Meh, whatev, fuck you, I know I'm fine" so it's kinda weird for me, the intensity of this judging and feeling like I'm being judged.

(So, I guess I'm saying thank you for listening to me work through this, and be bitchy. I do with local friends, too, but y'all are immediate gripe-dump.)

What Cass said. It's super important for you to play it cool in these situations and super-cordiality is an amazing superpower in the face of such tricky circumstances. It's the thing that will help your step-son the most, this forebearance which does not come naturally to you.

Thanks, guys, for helping me not feel like an awful person. Lucky for me, though I dislike fronting, I am very good at being charming and faux.

I would be dangerous if it weren't so damned boring and I am so lazy.

(And I'm all humble, too!)

ETA: It IS made easier by the fact that M is a great kid, and I am falling in love with him.

I want to feed lines form Monty Python's Argument Clinic sketch to Cleverbot.

I want to feed lines form Monty Python's Argument Clinic sketch to Cleverbot.

I want you to feed lines from Monty Python's Argument Clinic sketch to Cleverbot, too. So why are you lying on the sofa?

Erin, you are a good step-mom.

You sound like you are doing awesome.

And hopefully D is doing his part by not rehashing their very over romantic relationship to you. You only have continued contact because they share (and you share now as well) a child. It's not a "who is the better wife" thing, it's raising a happy, well-adjusted M thing.

Though I will admit I now secretly thrill to hear stories from my dad about when he and my mom were together. But I only hear them on the rare chance that he and I are having dinner alone and it's not a wistful thing, it's just we share people that we don't really talk about with other people around. It's also that I am in my mumblethirties and he and my stepmom have been awesomely together for over 25 years, so it's not a confusing message for anyone. Just fun to hear.

Modern families are hard. But modern kids need the adults in their lives to be grown ups and, honestly I think, subsume some of their wants and needs for the kids when it comes to dealing with the other parents.