Trust me, if minds could kill, Michael Brown would be dead long before now.

My parents got married in a race-charged environment. My father got shit from his friends for marrying lighter than himself. My mother's entire family was expected to marry lighter, but she was the only one that didn't. Marrying outside of their race wasn't ever a social or familial consideration I don't think.

There was a point where I assumed my mother would want me to marry black, but by the time I brought it up, she said she would take any race, as long as I got married. I have no idea how my sister and I have such similar world views that are different from my parents, but to their credit, they pretty much catch up with us every time we push it.

Much ~ma to Pix and Drew, Trudy and aunt, and amyth and bro. Even though I haven't been around much (except to ask for eye~ma for my mom, which FUCKING WORKED and I will explain in a minute), I've been reading Beep Me and sending out whatever good vibes are needed.

Tep, I am so sorry for your and Tim's loss, and I hope the August shitstorm has blown out to sea. I hope I can act with as much strength and grace as you did. It's no surprise why he loves you.

Jess, CONGRATULATIONS! I am so flippin' happy for you all.

P-C, I am so sorry you and your siblings are continuing to go through this. I'll just echo what Cass said, and hope that you all get the best possible outcome.

I just read approximately 6500 posts dating from mid-June through today. I am a compulsive completist. It also reminded me why I need to make sure to keep you all in my life. It makes me happier. Work was harrowing for a while, and I went under a few times, but I should have made more of an effort. The board does a good job of keeping me on a more even keel. Maybe now I wouldn't be so exhausted. Plus, I missed some awesome conversations that I would have loved to be a part of.

OK, now for my mom. It was a macular hole in her left eye, and it left her legally blind. The vitrectomy was going to close the hole, and perhaps give her some sight back. Well, it did a bit more than that. Her doctor calls her his miracle patient. She now has 20/40 vision in the eye. It is possible that she will even be able to drive again. Thank you all for the ~ma, because I am convinced that it helped dramatically.

Now, not to dredge up a closed conversation, but I cannot let this slide:

So what you're saying is that you DO think some (not all, or maybe even many, but SOME) people are being dishonest when recounting their personal lived experiences? And so you need outside corroboration before you can decide if they're being dishonest?

Difficult question. Not all, not most, and the ones who do are probably salesmen of this-and-that.

Shir, I find this kind of sweeping generalization absolutely infuriating. Part of my job involves sales, therefore I am a salesperson. I am sure as hell not dishonest, and neither are the people I work with. Are their dishonest salespeople? Yes. Any more than in the general population? I don't know, but I'll be more than happy to track down statistics if need be. Clarification and qualification are never bad things.

So, how are folks?

It is such a freaking minefield with my dad. We've started a father-daughter thing of me introducing him to series, esp webseries he might like. My dad is a man of many strong opinions and he does more than just tell you them. He rants and gets in a mood to take it out on you. So I try to avoid things ahead of time but sometimes they're so random you can't spot them.

We were watching the Minstrel ep of Terry Jones' Medieval Lives tonight. As it kicked in, I wondered if his disdain for anyone making a living in the arts would somehow get triggered but it wasn't. No, what got triggered was his monolingualism and belief that all languages ought to be wiped out for one world language (conveniently the one that's the only one he knows: English). They were showing an French duo who were playing tambourine and rapping in Occitan as a way to get modern viewers to empathize with the change from poets composing in Latin to composing in various languages of the common people.

At first he scoffed because he thought Occitan was a dead language these guys were reviving just for show. I informed him that Occitan has remained alive all these years and that in fact there was a separatist movement down there. He then went off on that...

What a stupid damned thing to be yelling at someone about. But his prejudices are just such a difficult minefield to negotiate. Like the other night he was going off about tank tops, I kid you not.

ETA: Whoops. Cross-post.

Spidra, know it's harder with one's own dad, but remind ty yourself that he's not yelling at you, he's just thinking out loud. Not particularly deep thinking, but thinking nonetheless. My FiL does that. He rants incessantly about damn near anything. He once spent an hour talking about the fact that "music is a sickness" and listening to it is a waste of time. He will also tell you exactly how you should do your job, even if he knows literally nothing about it.

In order not to argue with him all the time , I flipped a switch in my head and said to myself "This is not a conversation, this is a show. I am not part of this, I am watching this." When he is not expounding, that's when I talk to with him. When he is in a rant, I literally just nod and smile. He's an old guy, I love him and he is not going to change. If I just refuse to dance his dance, I am a lot happier.

Oh, and congratulations to Dr. Hil on a successful dissertation defense, job search, move, and new career. I grew up in central PA, so if you have any questions please let me know.

Spidra, sometimes we just can't predict the triggers. I hope you figure out a successful strategy that keeps you in one piece.

edit: Or do what Scrappy said. I find that doing so keeps me sane and in good shape 99.9% of the time.

In order not to argue with him all the time , I flipped a switch in my head and said to myself "This is not a conversation, this is a show. I am not part of this, I am watching this." When he is not expounding, that's when I talk to with him. When he is in a rant, I literally just nod and smile.

This is a very good strategy, Scrappy. Wise.

Hey, MFN! Good to see you around.

Scrappy is, yet again and still, wise. I need to try that next time I visit my granddad.

Made it back to Nora's. Yay for easy-going peoples I just met going ten rather bumpy blocks out of their way to brig me here. Saw Mack and Smitty and some other folks, met new folks, heard gospel and r&b and rap and brass band and poetry and soul. Did not eat shrimp, I don't know why. Did buy yet another book and a t-shirt. Talked to B in KC... crush still unabated.

Lost pronouns somewhere between L9 and IC. Sleep now. Happy here.

I've gotten better at it. But not entirely. My dad was an attorney so there's more than the usual amount of arguing and attacking. Still, ugh!

Lots of deep breaths.

I'm trying to get my pennies together to take a sort of "farewell to the Bay Area" trip that I couldn't do when I was still up there because I had to babysit the house for selling. My mom asked if I was sure I wanted to spend the $ on the trip but at this point I think I need a break away just for my sanity. Even though, yes, spending $ makes it that much harder to save to move out of here and on my own again.

Hi Cass! Nice to be seen.

smonster is having the kind of vacation I would have liked to have had this year. Socially relevant and fun. I love to read just how much you and Nora have fallen in love with NO.