Bonny, you are *aces* at helping people develop and defend boundaries; now you need to do that here, for your own good.

Fucking word. How would you counsel a friend in this sitch?

Like dog walking. You'd think she'd grasp that what she's asking you to do is more important to the company than what the interchangeable dog walkers do.

Amen and hallelujah. ::gospel hand::

I am tickled to death by your new relationship.

Maria, isn't that too funny? We have very different personalities, so I'm learning how he expresses affection. He's not as frequently verbal about it as I am, but clearly he has ways.

but clearly he has ways.

I love it. It's just so... perfect.

(Yes, I'm sure he has faults, but I am a sucker for the beginning of a relationship.)

I am tickled to death by your new relationship.

Took the words right out of my mouth. Charming!

How would you counsel a friend in this sitch?

Exactly.

1) bleed off the overwhelmed energy so you can think clearly.

With all y'all's help...CHECK.

2) Focus on what you want, vs what you don't want and present a cogent counter proposal.

I will do this when I chat with her tomorrow, beginning with, I will do certain things on a task by task basis until we complete a clear contract for services which will be finished by the middle of next week.

3) Be clear about boundaries and make recommendations for getting the things I cannot do done by someone else.

I want to ensure that we do not blow up our friendship and that she is clear about what I believe is inadvertent advantage taking.

4) We will research _together_ the going rate for the larger tasks...like the PR campaign and come to an agreement as to how that will be paid.

If it is not a retainer, than a projected income with incremental goals/payments.

5) I will be crystal clear that doing VP duties for admin pay is not acceptable.

Just because she paid her previous staff manager that rate does not mean it is appropriate for the additional service and much higher quality she will get with me.

The imperative she feels because that person quit and left her in the lurch is not for me to take on. I care, but I won't suffer.

6) We will choose a time-limited honeymoon period...I'm thinking 3 months. At any time during this period, one or both of us can declare "NO FIT" without penalty to our friendship or future business potential.

After that, we will make a concrete contract, including pay, benefit and exposure incentives.

When we talked about the big, new business structure, I asked how the doggy lama brand would fit in. She was hesitant...probably because it hadn't occurred but if it isn't "X Services, featuring the doggy lama, I could spend a few years out of the market and have to start from square one. That won't do.

7) I want a clause that says, if it isn't fun, we won't do it.

Just because. I can be miserable as a solopreneur, I don't need a job for that!

Barb, may your toes twinkle and your sequins shine! Good luck twirling and wowing the crowd at the dance competition.

Barb, much luck and dance~ma to you, bella mia.

Sounds great, bonny! I like them all, but 6 and 7 might be my faves. Reminds me of something Danielle LaPorte wrote - I don't dig all her stuff, but I like this one [link] Because that is how I fucking roll. I'm writing my cover letter right now with an eye to making sure my passion for decon/material reuse shines through.

(Yes, I'm sure he has faults, but I am a sucker for the beginning of a relationship.)

I've got a weather eye out... nothing spotted so far that raises a red flag. Trying to balance the WHEEEEEE with not getting overwhelmed by the twitterpation. Y'all know that can happen to me. A superwise friend counseled me, "Sometimes two people just *work*." So maybe that's what's happening here. Lordy, that'd be nice! I kind of feel like I'm due, though I know that's not how the universe functions.

Bonny, what she proposed for the first list of tasks could be manageable, if not great. The teo parts together are easily a full time job and worth a lot more.

I like your go forward plan, but have to say that if it doesn't go well, or even if it goes okay but not just right, walking away without penalty to the friendship strikes me as optimistic. If you choose to do this, whatever parameters you establish, I think you need to consider that.

(also, her reluctance at the Doggy Lama mention is sending up red flags. I can't guess at her conscious motivations, but she is pretty clearly sucking you into a subordinate, administrative slot and thAt won't be easy to change once it's underway.)

Frankly, encouraging employees to go elsewhere after two years sends up my red flags. It's not enthusiasm for the job that flags then so much as enthusiasm for the entry wages.

Frankly, encouraging employees to go elsewhere after two years sends up my red flags. It's not enthusiasm for the job that flags then so much as enthusiasm for the entry wages.

Exactly. If I knew my dog-walkers were considered fungible by the business owner, I'd never, ever use their services. Walking the Wigglebutts or any other dog is all about the established relationship.

Danielle LaPorte

I love her writing style.

Frankly, encouraging employees to go elsewhere after two years sends up my red flags. It's not enthusiasm for the job that flags then so much as enthusiasm for the entry wages.

I can see the distrust of this, at the same time, I know that it is the rare individual who can maintain enthusiasm for mundane, repetitive tasks.

The owner wants enthusiastic, ambitious people (they walk faster, and are better at creating and maintaining good relationships with the pet people). It's like house cleaners (which she also employs) who become lax overtime because there is not stimulus.

It is also true that she has asked me to come up with a morale program, which probably means her process can't compete against the heat and drudgery the walkers are suffering right now.

Brenda, I totally take your point that the friendship will be changed. In fact, it's a bit like Shroedinger's friendship even now. So, I'll have to commit to being okay, regardless.

java, I really do understand about the established relationship and some of the individual walkers in the area are life-time companions. The downside of that is that, if anything happens with the walker (family emergency, illness, etc.) the pet family is screwed. My friend's 'deep bench' means every situation is competently covered.

The company offers the added value of walkers who are educated by me in behaviorism. They are much better prepared to deal with personalities and confusions.