I get to have a baseline mammogram. Being 35 sucks.

As much as I despise the tit squishing, I can't help think it must be worse for women with small tits. How can you get a proper flattening in the scanner when there's not much to flatten?

And I think I missed mine last year. Yay, 50.

OMG. I must break in to flail about the most amazing stupid human trick I just witnessed.

In my neighborhood, it is pretty much all parallel parking.

Walking the little guy just now, I noticed a fellow (mid 20s), standing with the back of his knees in the middle of the front grill of a parked car.

A moment later, I realized that his late-life parents or grandparents were attempting to avoid bumping into the car behind them by backing up ONTO THE YOUNG MAN'S KNEES!

They were using him as a bumper.

I can imagine an insurance company replacing a dented bumper. Would his health insurance cover two new knees when he VOLUNTEERED to stand behind a car being parked by an old guy?

I'm glad I didn't shriek, but I HAD to comment.

His response..."No big deal."

I just wish I had a Darwin Award application on me.

Preserving my reputation among the family or just being a shithead? You decide today on our newest episode of "Aimee's Batshit Crazy Family"!

So I was just at the library and on my way downstairs to check out my finds (I found an awesome book on the history of Broadway Musical theater and a book about a year in the life of QE2). As I walked to the stairs, I looked to my right and there was my Crazy Uncle K! So I said, "Hi K! How are you?" He looked up and his mouth formed the word "Hi." but then saw it was me, drew his mouth up into a very good impersonation of a butthole, and turned away from me. I asked, "How are you doing?" in the most cheerful of voices. He walked away from me, shooing me with his hand, as though I were a distasteful insect.

I laughed to myself as I went down the stairs and checked out my books. I don't ever want to give him the opportunity to say to other family memebers that I am rude or ignore him when we run into each other.

I also say, kill 'em with kindness and fuck him if he can't take a joke.

or just being a shithead?

Uh, YOU were not the one being a shithead.

You go, Aimee. Well done.

I consider it a great testament to my personal fortitude that I did not buy cigarettes today, and that I am just now making myself a drink.

I was *this* close to telling him I'd be praying for him, but figured I'd pushed his buttons enough.

No kidding, Aims, you're kind of my hero right now for being that self-possessed.

I called my landlord and left a message.

I am going to do dishes, Moldovan style. Yay Peace Corps for teaching me extreme water conservation!

Also, St.W called to schedule more Firefly watching. We settled on Thursday.

Thanks, bebe. Sometimes, I really surprise myself.

Frank, I'm sorry your weekend turned out to be craptastic. Sometimes bdays make you high and happy, sometimes they leave you feeling like the Mack Truck of Gloom and Doom just ran over you.

erika, all I know is comparing yourself to other can sometimes be very motivating...but most often, it leaves you feeling like the pimento dip in the shit sandwich of life. And I hate pimento dip. Try to avoid it whenever possible. (Or watch 3 hours of Hoarders -- that always leaves me feeling more capable and less craxy...)

smonster, I am sorry your LL is turning out to be sketch. OTOH, I am psyched to hear about St. Woot!

Aims, heaping coals of kindness upon an enemy's -- or an uncle's -- head can be deeply gratifying. Which probably means I'm doing it wrong, but still...

ION, I saved a turtle tonight! And played with graphics! And had yummy pulled pork! And my friend's mechanic husband forbade me from driving on the highway tomorrow, as per my plan, because apparently D's tires are on the highway to hell, and he flat out told me before I drove to Topeka in that car tomorrow, he would let me borrow his Lexus.

Which I'm not gonna do, because driving other people's cars scares the hell out of me, but since he NEVER lets anyone drive the Lexus, he was dead serious about it, andI am totally getting the tires replaced ASAP. Because I'm scared.