How frustrating, erin. Is it a comfort at all to know that my niece was a cutter and she's a totally well adjusted mama these days?

well, got a little more info...after the misery of her as a HS freshman dating a senior against the 'dating contract' her parents drew up when she started HS... she started sexting a college freshman. sent him topless photos of herself. She's 15. He's 19. Her phone has been confiscated and she's been cut off from the internet UFN. His parents have taken his phone and he's no longer allowed on the computer without an adult around (dunno how they hope to enforce that while he's at college but they are definitely PISSED OFF at him.) There are evidently some legal issues. Apparently his father, as the person paying for the phone his son was using, could go to jail for a considerable amount of time if authorities started investigating the pics as child pornography. His parents and her mom are aware, my dad is NOT at this point, largely due to his history of getting all ragey and trying to destroy the future of boys who mess with his youngest. And according to the ex stepmom this particular guy is actually ok, not the sleazebag she was shenangianing with before. Immature and geeky but smart and decent (aside from the sexting, which seems to be a Done Thing among kids these days? ye gods how dumb they are) and the mom was actually willing to deal with an internet friendship and romance until the topless photos started transpiring. AFAIK they have not made it to the internet and likely will not now that phones are in parental custody.

She was so upset by losing all avenues of contact that she started cutting herself (again, it has happened before) and saying things along the lines of "i'm going to cut myself until god brings him back to me, and i'll cut myself to the bone if that's what it takes." This from a kid who previously described herself as an atheist. An overly dramatic atheist, but there it is. She's been vehemently denying counseling and therapy, refusing to get in the car and kicking and screaming. I believe after a long chat with the mom that she will be forcibly dragged to the therapist if that's what it takes, because IMHO she desperately needs an outside voice to help her regain some semblance of control over her life.

Once again, SO DAMNED GLAD i have no kids. And vibing like hell at VA that the poor kid can survive her adolescence.

And Laga, yes, it is. I passed that on to the mom over the phone and she started breathing again and said "yeah, ok, i used to do shit like that and so did lots of my friends and we all survived."

Of course i'm terrified that she'll go too far and actually bleed out (she doesn't just scratch like i did, she really cuts deep and if she ever hit an artery....*shudder* ). Yeah, i want her in therapy. I think she needs an outsider to tell her all the things she can't hear or grok when coming from family members. And maybe a therapist can also help set up some guidelines to help her get some priviledges and autonomy back in a formal, non-mom-deciding-my-life-for-me kinda way. She spends an awful lot of time on interactive lock down, it seems. Or perhaps i only get the frantic phone calls when it all spirals out of control?

The good news: she is currently at the point in Buffy when Willow starts using magik to try and 'fix' her relationship with Tara. I mentioned that story arc because it seemed pertinent, given how she keeps tearfully asking her mom to make the hurting stop, something thinking her mom can actually do that. Now, her mom is a practicing witch, but that kind of magik doesn't actually exist in her world and even if it did, i believe that story arc makes it fairly clear that you can't just fast forward through the pain and you do have to work through and deal with the consequences of your own actions.

Ergh, erin. I hope your sister can work through her shit in a way that is less harmful to herself.

Oh, erin, how complicated and scary. I hope she lets people give her the help she needs. It'll be a long road but she can definitely make it. I remember how terrifying it was when my sis had her own version of reality and no one, but NO ONE could get through to her.

I ran errands (nearly lost the plot in the hardware store), went to see my L9 peeps, and then the fabulous K & K helped me unload most of the cube. I'm going to eat some leftover Chinese, maybe mop a little more, maybe unpack a few boxes. Found out that the burns on the edge of my bathtub are likely crackpipe burns - former tenant was Section 8 and went to jail. File all that under things I won't be telling my mother.

{{erin and family}} Even with all the teens in my life I am without any answers. If she can talk to you it could be helpful to have someone that listens without lecturing and judging.

My back is killing me. I'm taking an 800mg ibuprofen, carb-loading with Wheat Thins, and having a break. The girls are watching "Despicable Me".

Seriously, I read this as The Girls are watching "Despicable Me", as in while the rest of your body was doing something else.

best of luck to everyone, Erin. May the drama be short and the healing begin soon

erin, I would strongly recommend peer counseling, in addition to a therapist who can rule out (or confirm) the harder core diagnoses.

For the deeper pains, the been-there-survived-that perspective can be the best for teen issues. The local mental health association should have referrals for well-respected groups.

In the meanwhile, major calm and coping ~ma for everyone involved.

bonny is, as always, very wise. Dialectical Behavioral Therapy or Emotions Anonymous might also be good things to look into.

erin, I have no advice, but so much ~ma to your sister and your entire family.