When my great-grandmother died, my great-uncle (her eldest son and my grandfather's brother) pretty much just opened the house and said, "Take what you want. What's still here when the house sells gets pitched."
That didn't end well.
The extended family played nice, showed each other things, told stories about items like jewelry or furniture. But my mom's siblings? Went apeshit.
The house eventually sold. My mom and dad rented a UHaul to go up there and retrieve the items that my mom had reserved and also to pick up a huge armoire thing for my uncle. When they got up there, Uncle B said, "See all of this? Noone's wanting it. Take it." My mom, who admittedly, has a hard time letting go of things when she associated them with a loved one, took him at his word and loaded up the truck.
When she got back home and her brother came to pick up his armoire, he freaked out on her. Calling her selfish and materialistic and that all she ever thought about was herself and how could she trample all over Gramma's house like some sort of theif???
My mom was so hurt.
And then it really went to shit when my gramma died. People still don't talk to each other over things they grabby-handed and then found out later it was supposed to go to someone else.
(Not that Nora was grabby-handed. Gramma gave her the damn punch bowl, not cousin.)
When I arrived in my wicked stepsister's house following my father's death, absolutely every single thing that belonged in my family was displayed in her living room. She apparently didn't feel compelled to wait until the actual, you know, death.
"Oh, I didn't think you'd want anything." That was her rationale.
My response? "I'll get some boxes." I took everything.
I just don't understand why it took 7 years to figure out how important it was. GOD.
I am also super sad today and missing Grandma.
Not that you asked, but what I finally decided (and, being a wicked smaht person you already know) was that it wasn't important to her until it was. Instead of processing her grief, she's fixating on a punch bowl. That she totally doesn't get to have neener.
{{Nora}}
Yeah, I'll probably send it along to her.
I wouldn't send it to her. Gramma gave it to you and that's where it belongs. You live in New Orleans. There is punch DEMANDING to be bowled!
When my great-grandmother died, my great-uncle (her eldest son and my grandfather's brother) pretty much just opened the house and said, "Take what you want. What's still here when the house sells gets pitched."
I really love what they do in
Cryptonomicon,
which is to place everything according to the axes of monetary value and emotional value and then dividing it all up equally.
{{Nora}}
I really love what they do in Cryptonomicon, which is to place everything according to the axes of monetary value and emotional value and then dividing it all up equally.
There's actually an algorithm for doing that, where each person says how much he or she thinks each thing is worth, and the things get divided up so that, if, say, there are five people, then each person gets at least 1/5 of the estate according to his or her own appraisals of the value, which might be more or less than what everybody else thought each thing was worth.
Oof, I just drafted a nasty email but didn't send it. I'm not ready to deal with this right now.
Nasty draft:
Sure, whatever. This isn't something I spirited out in the dead of night, FYI, it was something grandma gave me (unsolicited, mind you) when she moved out of the Hyde Road house- seven yeas ago- when everyone had input into the whole Grandma's possessions process. She loved seeing it our back bay window being loved and admired, it would catch the light of the afternoon sun, and it would sparkle and I'd think about Grandma. The insinuation that Grandma was addleminded when she gave it to me, or something, is pretty hurtful. I'm sure that you didn't mean it that way, but it came off that way.
Also, feel free to address questions to me directly, whether they be about Grandma's stuff or why I moved to New Orleans.
(Uncle), let me know how I should charge the shipping directly to the estate, so that it would, in fact, be at no cost to me (as referenced below).
It would be wonderful if you could see your way clear to trading the punch bowl for the hope chest, because it's something I'd love to have and would mean so much to me. I understand if you don't want to do that though.
Got it out of my system at least.
