I did that counselling program for both my marriages.
This does not surprise me in the least. You are a self-aware, forward thinking guy!
Out of curiosity, do you/have you ever used the '10 Step Process' for communication appointments?
Come on out, River. The nice man wants to kidnap you.
Simon ,'Objects In Space'
Spike's Bitches 46: Don't I get a cookie?
[NAFDA] Spike-centric discussion. Lusty, lewd (only occasionally crude), risqué (and frisqué), bawdy (Oh, lawdy!), flirty ('cuz we're purty), raunchy talk inside. Caveat lector.
beekaytee - Mar 25, 2011 5:23:23 am PDT #18416 of 30000
Compassionately intolerant
beth b - Mar 25, 2011 5:29:55 am PDT #18417 of 30000
oh joy! Oh Rapture ! I have a brain!
Chikat, I'm sorry .
Matt made it home around 4am
billytea - Mar 25, 2011 5:41:41 am PDT #18418 of 30000
You were a wrong baby who grew up wrong. The wrong kind of wrong. It's better you hear it from a friend.
Out of curiosity, do you/have you ever used the '10 Step Process' for communication appointments?
Wallybee and I used the ideas therein a couple of times early on in our marriage, when addressing conflicts (and occasionally on faux conflicts, just to get the practice). We also used Gottman's book, Why Marriages Succeed or Fail, for occasional marital health assessments. I find we don't really need it nowadays though - we generally find ourselves on the same page for conflict resolution. (Tangentially related, I have a soy milk machine in my kitchen! This was an unexpected development. Soy beans. It milks them.) I didn't use it (the 10-step deal, not the soy milk maker - not that it saw use then either) during counselling for my first marriage, we had different tools and priorities for that venture.
amych - Mar 25, 2011 5:45:47 am PDT #18419 of 30000
Now let us crush something soft and watch it fountain blood. That is a girlish thing to want to do, yes?
occasionally on faux conflicts, just to get the practice
Marital wargaming? Damn, y'all are awesome.
Jessica - Mar 25, 2011 5:51:11 am PDT #18420 of 30000
And then Ortus came and said "It's Ortin' time" and they all Orted off into the sunset
You know, everyone is a perfect parent before they have kids. But on the off chance that your kid turns out to be a human being and not a carbon copy of the mythical children described in parenting books, you're going to be winging it about 90% of the time no matter how much preparation you thought you did.
billytea - Mar 25, 2011 5:55:18 am PDT #18421 of 30000
You were a wrong baby who grew up wrong. The wrong kind of wrong. It's better you hear it from a friend.
Marital wargaming? Damn, y'all are awesome.
The most complex game that Wallybee has found congenial is one called Twilight Struggle. It really is a superb game design, for those who like that sort of thing (ME! ME!). It simulates the Cold War. The US and USSR compete with each other to build influence in different countries and draw them into their sphere of influence. (If you get too aggressive, you run the risk of sparking a nuclear war.)
They applied the same game system to another game that simulates the 1960 Presidential election. (Less risk of nuclear war; some risk of questionable results from Cook County.) It's really quite clever.
Anyway, we have some experience with marital wargaming, is the upshot here.
beekaytee - Mar 25, 2011 6:11:28 am PDT #18422 of 30000
Compassionately intolerant
Marital wargaming? Damn, y'all are awesome.
Word.
Practicing conflict resolution skills on non-charged issues is one of the very best ways to ensure fair/productive fights. Couples sometimes resist because it seems silly to play fight, but honestly, doing so is such a good idea.
Not only does it give you stuff to work with when the chips are down, but it reminds each person that they WANT to move through fights productively and that neither really wants to be hurt or do the hurting.
In relationships where one or the other DOES want to inflict pain (in the non-fun way), well...that's a whole 'nother thing.
billytea - Mar 25, 2011 6:19:42 am PDT #18423 of 30000
You were a wrong baby who grew up wrong. The wrong kind of wrong. It's better you hear it from a friend.
Not only does it give you stuff to work with when the chips are down, but it reminds each person that they WANT to move through fights productively and that neither really wants to be hurt or do the hurting.
The nicest thing Wallybee ever said to me, which was quite recently, was "I know you'd never hurt me. You'd rather hurt yourself than hurt me." I'm not at all convinced it's true, but I'm thoroughly convinced that she is awesome. (Seriously, she's amazingly good at conflict resolution - solution focused, self-aware, both assertive and respectful, she leaves me for dead.)
beekaytee - Mar 25, 2011 6:22:50 am PDT #18424 of 30000
Compassionately intolerant
The nicest thing Wallybee ever said to me, which was quite recently, was "I know you'd never hurt me. You'd rather hurt yourself than hurt me." I'm not at all convinced it's true, but I'm thoroughly convinced that she is awesome. (Seriously, she's amazingly good at conflict resolution - solution focused, self-aware, both assertive and respectful, she leaves me for dead.)
That's beautiful. The fact that you could say that you are not at all convinced just makes you more awesome, too. How fortunate you both are.
Steph L. - Mar 25, 2011 7:09:16 am PDT #18425 of 30000
this mess was yours / now your mess is mine
I just totally crossed the streams. I posted a link to Hyperbole and a Half's Alot to the kinky Website.
I would tell you don't, but it is too late Steph
Oh, no, it was totally relevant. Someone had posted a truly epic rant about bad spelling/grammar on the internet, and I realized that this was the moment to propagate the Alot.
(Seriously. You get people who think they are so badass, who write things like "I do NOT submit to anyone -- I am a True Dominate!"
Sweet Christ, it makes my eyes bleed. You are NOT a verb, asshat.)