I think keeping them talking about what happened is also comforting, because it makes them feel they're doing something. Have you come up with a list of things you can ask to keep them talking, like "Did you hear anything?"

and Teppy, sounds like you and Tim are on your way. something will work out -- and I have a couple of ways mom might help. 1) is of course money for lawyer/space/place for son and the other is a home for son's dog. Getting the dog to Texas might be a relief for all involved if she is willing. It sounds like she care about her son.

She's been wanting him to move down there for a few years now. So knowing he has a place to live is very good. And she wants the dog there (although we've been assuming it'll be with him, not separate) -- she's a big pet lover and had a beloved rottie for years, including when she lived with Tim.

Tim's at a party right now that I wanted to go to -- despite my social anxiety, I needed to get out of the house, but this is day 2 of the migraine and it won't let up. I am hopped up on goofballs, you betcha. And home alone. Grumble.

When I worked with the birds at Seaworld,

!!!

there was a vet whose full-time job was to insert titanium rods into the legs of flamingos. They are beautiful, but basically, architecturally wrong. One good run and it was curtains.

Their natural environment being a caustic lake of death may have something to do with that.

sj - I'm so, so sorry. ~mas and ~mas to you and the family.

smonster and Steph, I'm glad you were fed and taking care of.

Teppy, I am exactly like you in this regard

Same here. The whole "actually going to the other person and speak of my fears" is sometimes so terrifying that well, it's sometimes beyond me. So I was so glad to read Tim's reaction and thought. I'm so glad you have each other in all of this.

In more humane news, I just like to point out that I was awakened twice before the alarm clock this morning, and haven't killed anyone yet.

I just like to point out that I was awakened twice before the alarm clock this morning, and haven't killed anyone yet.

Letting the people who woke you live only means you have to kill them some other time when they wake you again.

Went to the movies this evening and kinda loved Rango. The good movie high was ended when we got home and found that our dog had eaten my chair cushion. Bad Truman! Being a poodle, he is now heartbroken and fears that we Will Never Love Him Again.

sj, much ~ma for your stepdad's family. That's just terrible.

Teppy, you are lovely. I'm thinking of you, and also thinking in response to things you've said above.

I believe in grace and second chances BIG TIME. I've gotten them more than I can count, more than I deserve, so I tend to want to see other people get a second chance. I just don't know how much I'm called to do in helping this kid get a second chance. And I know Tim may be called to do more, but I'm here, which means I do more.

Steph, this is a really difficult one. I can relate to some extent. I think you're truly lovely (and should put yourself first a bit more).

I'm going to talk about my own situation here, even though I don't want you/others to think I'm 'comparing' in any way. I'm just thinking aloud really. Sharon (The Girl)'s father is, frankly, an evil man who's done some very nasty things to her (and, indeed, to us as a couple). I'm having serious trouble dealing with the fact that she's going overseas for two weeks out of every month to help look after this bastard. On the other hand, he's very ill and may be dying. So I'm trying to cope with the fact that this bastard who is currently making me sign a pre-nuptual agreement is also a scared, helpless man who needs his little girl. And Sharon and I fight about it and about the consequences. And it's frustrating as all hell. And I'm not good at doing much in the direction of God except being nice and bowing to the altar (as the faithful choirgirl who's gone to church almost every week for the past thirty-two years and tries hard not to complain despite mental illness, disability, and homophobia from other Christians). I'm good at doing my rosary quietly and asking Mary to pray for Sharon's father. But maybe I also have the right to shout at God about exactly what God thinks God's doing. President Bartlet-style. Although probably without the Latin.

I think I had a point. Oh yes, it was to thank you for making me think, Teppy. Really. And to hope that you're OK. Where people have said you're not obligated to push yourself past what you can handle, and the importance of not enabling people's self-destruction with your grace, I think they are very wise. But I can relate to at least some of the dilemma. Wishing you good choices that work for everyone, if that's possible.

~ma for smonster and Connie.

Shir, I'm sad to hear you won't be able to make the wedding (although I didn't think it was likely). I'll try to get-married-and-post so you (and everyone else) can virtually participate! And we do hope to be back in Israel at some point soon.

The Girl is e-mailing my father about wine. Did I mention that she's almost entirely planning this wedding without me, being a PhD widow, and that she is a star? Our brains are full of numbers, such as how many bottles of wine are needed for 120 people. Gah.

trying to cope with the fact that this bastard who is currently making me sign a pre-nuptual agreement is also a scared, helpless man who needs his little girl

THAT. I mean, I think that was your point.

Because it is hard, and frustrating, and all categorical imperative/Do unto others as you would have them do unto you thing. And frankly, it's very, very hard to do so even when believing in higher-being/humanism. Not because we're petty or shallow, but because it seems against reason: trying to help the very thing that's hurting you. Trying to remember this isn't a "thing", but a person. And at times, realizing they're beyond help, find the inner strength and cut them from your life.

And I think that for this reason only, I thank God/whatever we're complicated creatures. That we're able to pull through and be capable of doing such things, even when it's against reason, against compassion, against our best interests. Because that's, as well, what makes us so human. And I think it's beautiful.

I'm sad I won't be at your wedding too. I love you both very much, and sorry you have to deal with The Girl's dad being The Girl's dad.

And Sharon is still the star she is. Send her my wishes.

sj, I am so sorry for the pain your family is feeling right now.

Tep, two day migraine --ugh. I wonder if it could be stress...!

Seska, that sounds awful. I am so sorry. You are much kinder than I would be. I am so lucky my in-law's are not awful people.

Nora, making new friends is hard. You are a wonderful person, and you want wonderful people to be your friends. It's a process, don't forget that. And it sounds like the text message you got was A) tone-related -- bad attempt at sarcasm, like "What are you, stupid? HELL YEAH! b)this person was too drunk to reply coherently or c) you have mistaken a douchebag for a nice person, and you need to mentally roll your eyes and cross this person off the list of Nice People I Would Like to Gift With My Awesome Presence.

ION...So, I have not gotten a speck of grading done. I lay down at 5:30 pm to take a nap yesterday, planning to spend the evening grading...and I woke up 40 minutes ago. I guess my body needed the sleep. I don't regret it, really. I've been cruising on 6 hours a night for the last couple of weeks, which really doesn't work for me, and this way, I slept through the time change.

I'm up early enough to get a ton of grading done today, and this will simply force me to be very concise on my essay comments. In fact, I may just -- gasp -- let the rubric do the work, and add comments later this week; grades are due by midnight tonight, and I have other papers to grade also. I can verbally conference with my 204 students (dual-credit Comp II) over what they need to work on. Hmm.

And I think I will head to a coffee shop this morning sans laptop to get some focused grading done, and that way, I can stop by the store on the way home and get a few things and put some chili on.

I think I have A Plan.