The relationship expert in question is John Gottman. The prediction rate for whether or not a couple will be together after 5 years when contempt is part of their language process is 95%.

This would seem like common sense, but you'd be amazed by the number of couples who indulge in this activity rather just walking away from each other.

When I do something really boneheaded -- like drop the plastic gallon of milk on the kitchen floor, only to see the plastic split vertically and spew forth a tidal wave of 2% -- I actually still physically brace myself to get yelled at.

Tim has *never,* EVER yelled at me, called me stupid or other names, or otherwise engaged in that kind of behavior. Ever. And after 5 years (3 of them living together), I *still* expect to get excoriated for mistakes.

I say that *not* to blame my mom -- I'm almost 40, and I'm trying really hard to own my shit, and while she might be the source of that shit, it's up to me how to deal with it as an adult -- but just to marvel over how goddamned ingrained it is.

And let me tell you how HARD it has been on my end to *not* pull the "Oh my GOD, what were you THINKING? Or WERE you even thinking?" crap, because that's just how I learned to "relate" to people.

I think a large part of why I don't is because Tim doesn't, and since he's set that tone, it makes my bad reaction stand out, and it points out that there's another option to me of how to treat him. Also, of course, I *do* respect him and want how I treat him to be consistent with that. (And, you know, I love him and stuff.)

(It's a testament to how fucked-up my unbringing was that my mom has commented to me, "He treats you *really* well...and you seem to treat him really well, too." Not in a tone of Wow, I'm so happy for you, but in a tone of, Wow...that's really weird.)

t /overshare

I think a large part of why I don't is because Tim doesn't, and since he's set that tone,

I am Steph, except that mine is a Greg. And he doesn't look as good in a dress...at least so far as I know, anyway.

Thanks for the addendum, smonster. I tend to get sad during these conversations because I do have right leaning family members who do care and are doing lots of stuff, within the confines of their ideology. But I understand how the overlying political narrative reads.
 
That`s not oversharing, Steph, that`s a lovely testament to your relationship. It`s a geeky thing, but I was playing Sims while I was sick and one sim broke the sink and the other one scolded her. And I was thinking to myself that the SO never does scold like that, and how awesome he was. So yay for you and Tim.

probiotics

Pearls it is! My local drugpusher (CVS) carries them. Thanks, Steph.

I don't have the bottle with me. It was whatever was cheapest at Walgreen's.

It's probably whatever's cheapest at CVS, too, then!

I'm also paranoid about getting sick from lowering my immune system while AT A CON.

Taking probiotics can also bolster your immune system. Just another thing those awesome little bugs do for us! I heart my intestinal flora.

Welcome back home, Cass.

bonny, I'm glad both you and Bartleby are feeling better.

If contempt is such a strong predictor of whether couples will break up, why do I see so many people (mostly women) staying with partners who are openly contemptuous of them? Two of my friends just had babies with their awful men and I hate to think what their home lives must be like.

I have my kitties home (bye, monies, I will miss you) and a whole laptop with a big enough screen and a full typey typey keyboard. Whooooo, home.

And, um, a million things to do, no food or milk for coffee and a pile of laundry that I fear. Whooo, home?

Home awesome. Now if it would warm up enough for me to deal with all of the crap in my car. Until then, I try to remember how to use my dvr.

I fear the laundry as well, and in my case it's totally unjustified because the only parts I can deal with are already washed and folded, they just need putting away. The part I hate the most.

We need a new dryer before I can tackle the rest of the laundry. Until then, it's laundromats and washing at grandma's house.

I can hear drunk people shouting outside. The hell? The stupid made-up holiday drinking is supposed to be downtown, not way out here.

Perhaps they were watching Fox news.

There are several bars downtown closing today because they don't want to deal with the drunk people. Something has gone too far when bars are shutting down to avoid drunk people.

I haven't had much in the way of Microwave popcorn since my Diabetes was diagnosed, mostly because I haven't felt like it, really. Lately, though, the fact that it's a lot of bulk for about 2-1/2 carb choices has made me try it again. Plus, I am in a popcorn mood again.

Microwave popcorn has gotten better, I see.

One strange thing I have noted, is that most packages say to not use the popcorn button on the microwave. A button that was invented for the task. I suppose until the microwave can sense the popping has stopped for two seconds, close attendance is your only real option.

Far too many people in offices set a package of popcorn in the microwave and walk away. WTH?

Far too many people in offices set a package of popcorn in the microwave and walk away. WTH?

All I can assume is that they want to assault their co-workers with the stench of burnt popcorn. Bleh.

And now I want to make popcorn in a pan on the stove. Hmmm...