But actually - I think this is part of why I find it hard to give up smoking (and maybe a good bit of why I started in the first place). It's a five-minute out from social situations that you can call on at any time and doesn't require explanation.

My mother used to announce that she was going outside to do drugs.

Being a high-maintenance gothy type, I can always excuse myself to go reapply lipstick.

I have a couple of 'friends' that I hide on facebook. less fraught than defriending.

It is interesting to find myself sort of nodding along with every body. I have to say sometimes a very large gathering is more comfortable to me that an 8- 10 people gathering. if it is in the 30 plus range I can almost not talk to people . Or i can have a rote conversation or story that I repeat. in a smaller crowd people notice when I am not talking. of course, my job is so people-oriented that I often just say - too many cray people today - and wave my hand in the air . And I try to impress upon Matt that he needs to warn me if I am going to be come home to a crowd of people. ( which might be one ) if he wants me to be less than cranky. and eventually the office will be set up as a place for me to be when he has people over to play music. being audience is not always fun

Crap, ran out of time. Day was relatively uneventful. Birthday boy didn't show ("childcare issues") so I get to inform him that he's done tomorrow.

Time for shower and bed. Trying once again to establish a bed time routine.

Oh I am seriously just considering the unfriend. So much simpler. He can care if I ignore texts or emails. No business caring if I unFacebook.

...

Which I just did.

Heh. I'm gay, of course all my exes are friended on FB. And I havent bothered to make lists, so they can see all. But I think some of them have blocked me without defending. (damn you autocorrect--deFRIENDing)

I am pleased to apparently be Smonster! Awesome.

And I love the image of the ex as patsy clone.

patsy clone

I don't know if that's a typo or the autocorrect knowing better than you, but it would sure fit for a drag queen.

I actually have several exes friended. Just one I am realizing is best for me not to be able to just link hop.

Mmm, yeah, I've got a couple of folks on my friends list like that. Not exes, but folks from way in the past that when they friended me I thought "why the heck not". Hahahaha. Oy.

I'm meara-ing too, as I'm madly busy, but I love you all.

{{{Sox}}}

My shielding feels like being inside a giant prayer wheel. When things get to be too much, I can spin the wheel and be inside a very private place until it stops.

That's really nice. I might work on a very visual metaphor like that. I could visualise praying my rosary.

I should note that Ativan doesn't make me *enjoy* groups of people; it just helps me get through such things without ritually disemboweling myself.

As a teenager I was diagnosed with social anxiety disorder. In my early twenties, the first fandom meets I went to were both much fun and utterly miserable, at the same time (although they got better from there). I've worked ridiculously hard to deal with it, but I still occasionally need half a valium to get through social things. I've learnt to accept my wallflower tendencies, though, which helps. I was out with the other research students for dinner last night, and actually enjoyed watching their discussions.

I think we should have an Introvert Seating at the next F2F -- in that seating,we could have laptops and stress-balls, tumblers of water for Xanax chugging.

There's a fab idea.

Everyone in the Introvert Corner can wear this t-shirt

I need that t-shirt.

It bugs me, to see that kind of misrepresentation on tv or in movies. Because I know very well how keenly sensitive a person with ASD can be. It is a matter of accepting the individual's expressions of those emotions, expressions of caring, for how the individual can reach out. It may not be there in word or facial expressions. Or it may not happen when expected. But the caring is there.

That's *exactly* it. Thanks, Andi.

beth sent me an iPod Shuffle loaded with music to help keep me distracted while on long drives so I don't get overwhelmed with the depressive thoughts.

So cool! I hope it helps muchly.

This right here is one of the reasons getting married scares me. I need at least 1 day/WEEK by myself.

The Girl and I have this built in to our relationship. I need hours of each day on my own. We have separate home offices!

Heh. I'm gay, of course all my exes are friended on FB.

Haha. The Girl's ex is basically our maid of honour at our wedding. Her title is 'stage manager', but it's basically that. I'm oddly happy with this weird situation.

I get a morning off university because we're going to the local registry office. We're registering our intention to have a civil partnership! (There is no verb for that. You can't say 'to be civilly partnered'. I'm going to have to give up and just say 'getting married'.) On the social anxiety point, I expect to have a very stressful day. We're currently trying to plan it so carefully that I can at least try to relax. And I will be appointing my sister and my best friend as calmer-downers-in-chief. They will be feeding me much alcohol.