But brain and heart, they don't quite connect they way they should.

I have the same problem. I just keep repeating to myself and hope that someday the heart will get the idea. Hasn't worked yet, but I keep hoping.

But Aims, I could totally tell when we met that you'd known Jamaican women before. Totally.

Ahem.

But the social anxiety that Nora spoke of - What did I *do*? Oh God, what did I *say*? - comes back and bites me later

Hahah. Not that I just posted here about doing that ridiculous and awkward too friendly drunk thing on Saturday night or anything!

I am pretty extroverted, but when I am done with people, I am done, and I leave and go be somewhere for a while.

Me too! it's why I often room alone at the F2F. I love you all, but when I need to be alone, I NEED to be alone. I get cranky otherwise (apologies to my awesome roommates in Seattle, juliana and smonster for when I just got super bitchy and sensitive out of nowhere).

I am awkward with strangers. This happened yesterday:

strange guy in street: How's it going?

me: (way too cheerfully) how are you?

guy: fine, thanks.

me: thank-you!

But with buffistas and others who feel like "my people" I am insanely friendly and talkative. I hope I didn't molest you in Seattle, Tom. I seem to remember wanting to smishify you but I can't remember if I followed through on that impulse.

ION wtf Iowa? Mom has friends who got gay married there a few years back. Please don't take away your citizens' rights, Iowa. We were wrong to do so in California.

WI, Erin. Brand new governor feeling his oats. His state of the state address is tonight and I'm resolutely ignoring it because he is the biggest ASSHAT in the history of state politics.

WROD!

Vortex, I'm the same way. I love being social, but when I'm at conferences and things like that I really do best when I have my own room to recharge at night.

During planning for the DC F2F, someone made the joke that while the festivities were going on in the hospitality suite, they'd be hanging out in the stairwell. A host of "me too"s followed that. It quickly became apparent there might be a handful of people partying in the suite, but the majority of us would be huddled, avoiding eye contact, in the stairwell.

It was posited at the time that we were Buffistas, effusively, expansively friendly and involved in each other's lives--online--because that level of engagement and contact wasn't comfortable or accessible to us IRL.

I had a English/Theatre History teacher who I idolized, and told her once that her classes were the high point of my day, that she brought such energy and enthusiasm to her subjects I couldn't help but stay interested and inspired. She took a beat, maybe two, and then said, "Every class is a performance." That was a little revelation to me. It helped me deal with social interaction--hell, it helps to this day. In social settings, I'm performing Bev as a social creature. It doesn't mean I'm not interested in the people to whom I'm talking, I am--I love you people! I'm just sharing space and not freaking the fuck out and retreating in terror and confusion because I'm presenting Bev as she would be without all the neuroses. It's a performance of me.

And then I have to run away for a while and recover and restore.

I love you all, but when I need to be alone, I NEED to be alone.

Again, why I am very glad that Pete has weekly D&D games. Because sometimes, I need to BE ALONE.

Cashmere and Sail, I think you'll appreciate this FB post from a friend of mine at UW Milwaukee:

So the governor tells me he's effectively reducing my salary by a further 5% (after a 5% cut last year), charging me double for health care, and closing my office for a snow emergency but still requiring me to either work or use vacation time. I'm trying to craft the perfect two word response.