Never had a UTI, really. Haven't taken a bubble bath since I was a kid. Doubt, however, that these two things are related. My grandmother believed a good soak in Epsom salts and a hot toddy would cure about anything. That's pretty much my go-to as well.

bonny, I appreciate the advice. I could speak my piece and risk losing her, except I can't - she's my sister's daughter, and letting her storm out of my life would cause my sister more pain than she deserves, or I can bear to cause. K.'s sister has already written her off, and her father is worse than useless. If she doesn't have me and her mom, she has no one, and she's going to need everyone she can get, one of these days. I just don't know if I've got the life skills, myself, to say what needs to be said without driving her away, or for that matter to spend an entire day with the two of them and *not* say anything.

And as long as I'm being honest (ew), I don't want to engage. I want to walk away. I've had more than enough trauma-drama in my life from volatile, destructive, self-destructive people. I dread watching her disintegrate, and I dread even more being the one who has to pick up the pieces left of her and her mom, or the one who has patch it all back together. I don't think I can, and I don't want to. I'm tired of all this shit. Which is making me even more impatient with K. than I might otherwise be. All our lives - her mom, me, her sister, and herself - would be pretty much under control and happy, if not for K.'s shattering emotional state. I feel especially bad about not wanting to help her, because she's not a bad person - she's a very troubled person, who's been given a pass for bad behavior all her life, and now she doesn't and won't comprehend how bad it really is.

Fuck. I'm sorry to be spewing. I just don't have anyone I can really talk to, and I don't know what to do. How can I support my sister, much less attempt to help my niece, when I just want to hide from it all? I don't want to go through this again.

bonny I kinda skimmed but with my experience with UTIs and Painful Bladder syndrome causing bladder/urethral pain is::

AZO Standard pills work great. Ice packs are really helpful. Avoid acidic foods - this includes cranberry juice. I know it can be beneficial but the acidity can cause more irritation. also spicy foods can cause irritation.

God, Liese. I need you in my ear like Leverage every day. If I ever get the chance, I am so coming to visit and volunteer. Any creative ideas on positive motivation/reinforcement?

Ha! I would totally do this. I would be good at this! You totally can text me, though, if you ever need me! I'll stick my number in my profile for a bit.

And you are totally welcome out here! Would love to have you. My girls could really use your mad skilz!

I wrote up this whole big thing, and then realized that the person who would be giving you advice is the same one texting with a wasted student right now! So! You do not have to take my advice!

I'm happy to give more detail if you want it, but basically I feel like what you want to do is cultivate an environment where your trainees can learn to identify their goals and recognize their actions leading to progress. Motivation ultimately has to come from them. And if it doesn't, you have to let it lie.

What you can do is try to help them identify what they envision for themselves in their future, and guide them to a place where they can take action to realize that future. Most of my kids don't really believe in the future because they expect to be dead before they reach it. And some of them will be right.

So I do a lot of reflecting back, which means I have to do a lot of listening. I have to try to pull out what I can hear of their hopes and dreams, thread by thread, and weave it into what they're doing today.

The skills and all that are important because they'll provide your trainees with a trade they can ply, but even more important is you believing in them so they can learn something they feel like is beyond their reach right now.

I'm going to have to find some zen if I want to last in this field. I actually did pretty well today staying calm. Really, it's remarkable that I only lost my shit once.

smonster, zen IS very important to the process. Being able to put aside thoughts of all the scores of times we have given the same prompts is invaluable. Being in the moment, so we can say right now what the individual needs to know/hear at this time reduces our frustration levels.

{{{{{Zenkitty}}}}}

{{{{Nora}}}} I'm glad things were stable today.

{{{{{bonny}}}}} I meant to tell you sooner. When I saw my therapist this past Monday, I reported to her my successful use of stopping an ugly thought process by using your visualization of the thoughts up on a screen, shattering, then being swept up by a little guy with a big broom. She was quite taken with this image. I told her it was a suggestion that came from my internet friends.

So, here is a little work story. One of the folks came home from her day program, saying, "I'm crabby today, leave me alone."

My coworker: "Oh, the C-word has been spoken!"

Bosslady: "There's more than one way that could be interpreted."

Coworker, bosslady, and I laugh.

Me: "And suddenly we are all 12."

Coworker, bosslady, and I laugh harder. Residents give us weird looks. We laugh harder still.

Windsparrow, I heard a guy say "see you next Tuesday" and I had a hard time not snickering. Even though he was just confirming his Tuesday reservation.

smonster, I so admire the work you're doing. In a probably-much-less way, I can identify a little bit with the stress, but there are things that make it all worth it. I remember a girl I struggled to teach for two years. I was sure she hated me, and she had Asperger's and was constantly really difficult in the classroom. I used to cry after teaching her class. On the last day of the year, she came to the staff room to tell me that she'd skipped most of her exams, but that she was going to the one for my class because I was a good teacher and she'd enjoyed my classes. I nearly fell over. You don't always know when you're getting through to them. You sound like an incredible teacher. I hope the work gets a bit less stressful.

{{{Zenkitty}}} I hope things eventually start to improve with your niece. It sounds really stressful.

Life here isn't bad, except that I'm having a 'no more fucking people!' kind of week. PAs and support workers keep hanging around (the bastards). I need to find ways to keep them at arm's length a bit more. I'm making big effort with my officemates, including going out for coffee with them yesterday, which hopefully might eventually help with the disability-weird I've been feeling from them. Attempting to be lovely and sociable and make many jokes. We like how I am chief little-milk-packet stealer from the cafeteria, because my walker has a big shopping basket on the front and no one suspects a cripple.

Coffee.

Forgot to say! The Girl and I are being interviewed today by Mike and Alanna of Going The Distance, for an online documentary project. They're driving around the UK (on this trip - they've done the US before) interviewing couples about what makes a strong relationship. We laughed when a mutual friend suggested us, but hopefully we'll be a good addition to the project!

Seska, that is awesome.

~ma and hugs to everyone who needs them this morning.

I have G at my house today, then later I have to go to see the hematologist. Yesterday was the weight center meeting, which was eh, but will hopefully lead to meeting up with a helpful nutritionist.

Seska, I do hope the disability-weird vibe you get from your colleagues dissipates after they have a chance to get used to seeing you in action, and also get acquainted with you.

sj, I hope it goes well.