Liese, I'm a naked-eye or low-power observer, so I mostly just use the Sky & Telescope web site and a planisphere as my viewing guides, but I also have a couple of books I like: National Geographic's Backyard Guide to the Night Sky and Thompson's Illustrated Guide to Astronomical Wonders.

Oh, those are great, dcp. Thanks for the links!

I have a couple of friends i know well enough that in some casual conversation they'll mention wishing they had the time to brave ikea for more of a certain type of storage canister, or spending ages looking for just the right size of silver hoop earrings and then i luck out and can find that item and save it for the next gift-giving occasion....but that's only a couple of people. I wish my mom would agree to lists, but she thinks that takes the surprise out of gift giving.

I wish my mom would agree to lists, but she thinks that takes the surprise out of gift giving.

only if you get everything on the list. It's a surprise, a stepping stone, if you will.

Wait a minute, Vortex, your mom is planning for thanksgiving now?? Did I read that right? That is nuts! And for only 20 people?

I'm sorry, did I not make it clear that my mother is insane?

Maybe it really is a thing where he heard words but only heard every other word.

Well it is noting the words said, not that they were ALL negative.

As much as I want to give gifts that suit a person, I can be just as guilty. Frankly, I am amazed that I've never been given a teal stalk of celery given how much I loathe teal and celery and then, you know, TALK ABOUT IT.

Lists with links can rock. I make them myself for those that want to know what I want.

A month or two before this Christmas my Niecelet told me that she'd lost a necklace I'd given her the previous Christmas and she'd looked but she couldn't find it and, "hint HINT." Took me ages to find the exact same one but it was really one of my favorite gifts to give this year because I knew she really wanted it. Plus, you know, it was nice to know I'd chosen well for her the year before.

I honestly adore finding something that I think a person will love. But Xmas and things are about having the damn wrapped gift too in my world and I wish more people gave me a list.

where I can actually see the stars

There is not a visit to Joshua Tree that doesn't have me just randomly standing outside the first night (okay, every night) with a glass of wine or a glass of water looking up at the stars. I grew up with them and they still amaze me. I leave conversations to go out and just gape.

Well it is noting the words said, not that they were ALL negative.

I've heard much the same thing in relation to other contexts. For instance, reassuring someone that they're "not X" can have the opposite effect - the "not" gets subconsciously downplayed. Better to phrase it as a positive trait. Likewise, say someone's learning to roller skate, thinking or saying "don't fall over" can make it more likely to fall; "keep your feet" can work better.

Liese, you should remind your SO that the stars are WAY better where you are than they are in Anaheim.

Now I want to go see the stars with them at their place. Much better than here in Pasadena.

Typing on the phone so I can't easily Google and link, but there have been numerous studies showing that if you tell a group of people "such & such is not true" and then ask them about it a week later, they'll remember having heard about "such&such" but remember it as true. When I get back to a real keyboard I'll look up what that's called, but it's definitely A Thing and not just poor listening skills or inconsiderateness. Just the human brain being its usual freaky self.

[eta: Here's a link to a podcast where this phenomenon is discussed in relation to political misinformation - that misinformation is difficult to correct because when a reporter says "Obama is not a Muslim" there is a cognitive link created between the words "Obama" and "Muslim" and the "not" tends to be forgotten. I'm still not finding the exact neurological term I need to get more specific and it's driving me maaaaaaaaad.]

I'm sorry, did I not make it clear that my mother is insane?

Ha, yes, nothing you have ever said about her would contradict that.