I hate today. My mom came over and I could not convince her I was ok. I am kinda afraid I am so buried that it will take months to get out from under it. There is like zero plan to get me more help. I have to get mac in half an hour and go to therapy.

Happy birthday, Sophia and smonster!

Didn't succeed at going to bed earlier plus the RSI pain is bad = didn't wake up 'til noon.

Ever since 9/11 and its resultant security theater, each travel decision has been weighed between airline, Amtrak and car. I'm going to the Bay Area next week and I thought hard about which to do. Another factor is that ever since I got fat, flying has become more embarrassing and uncomfortable. Flying to Europe was horrible that way. I was already 6 feet with child-birthin' hips. Add 90 lbs of extra weight and it's not a pretty picture.

This time I opted for air because I could get the tix for $49 each way. Since I don't own a car, it would have cost me considerably more to rent a driveaway (since I didn't want to pay for a car for each of the 12 days I'm up there). If I had owned a car, there is no question I would have driven.

One day I can imagine it'll get so bad that if I want to go to Europe I'll be looking into steamships.

Stephanie, when she gets back home, she can always have an implant put in--when she returns to the civilization of socialized medicine.

My mom came over and I could not convince her I was ok.

Ack.

There is like zero plan to get me more help.

Well, that might be part of why she's not convinced you're okay.

Is having your parents near any help at all?

Another factor is that ever since I got fat, flying has become more embarrassing and uncomfortable.

Before going to Vermont last weekend, I hadn't flown for about 4 years. And I was honestly worried I would get turned away at the gate for being too fat for one seat, or that whoever was next to me would complain about the audacity of my thighs or arm to bump theirs.

I solved the second worry by making sure my seat was always next to my Dad's, and I solved the first one by...worrying like crazy. Fortunately it worked out.

Happy Birthday Sophia and smonster!

Yeah. When you consider the time it takes to get to the airport, go through security, etc. - it makes more sense to not fly.

That's all I'm sayin'. Getting me into one of those new stand up seats is not happening.

The bullet train system was already supposed to be in place before I had to face this again.

One day I can imagine it'll get so bad that if I want to go to Europe I'll be looking into steamships.

This thought went through my head for hawaii.

I find Steve Buscemi REALLY attractive, and I do not think he is hunky. Doesn't hunky somehow imply "not skinny"?

Sophia is me. He is the opposite of hunky, but personality takes him the whole way.

And I was honestly worried I would get turned away at the gate for being too fat for one seat, or that whoever was next to me would complain about the audacity of my thighs or arm to bump theirs.

Oh no. I hadn't even thought of this. Although if they turned me away then that solves the flying problem really.

Even for places three hours away (Portland) I fly instead of drive! I figure half hour to the airport, hour at the airport, hour on the plane, half hour to my destination...but only some of that do I have to be awake and paying attention. Whereas driving takes just as long, I'm more likely to hit traffic than have a bad delay (though I've had them) and I have to pay attention the whole time I'm driving. Ick.

Theresa, I have not taken the opportunity till now to woohoo! your Hawaii trip. Well, the being-in-Hawaii part, anyway. Much smoothness-of-travel and calm-ma, otherwise. I hear humming Metallica helps.

msbelle, your massive accomplishments over the last few month are truly boggling to us mere mortals. And methinks your standards for yourself are pretty damn high. You do need help, I'll grant you. But I have no doubt you'll organize and implement that solution and incorporate it seamlessly as you have every other backup and aid to this awesome and forward-looking life you've made. Courage, dearheart. Trust in yourself, for you're the one of the strongest women I know.

And I was honestly worried I would get turned away at the gate for being too fat for one seat, or that whoever was next to me would complain about the audacity of my thighs or arm to bump theirs.

pshaw! You are nowhere near large enough for that to be a problem. As for the bumping of thighs or arms, I am extremely territorial, so I'm like a hawk for that sort of thing, but as long as the person isn't deliberately encroaching on my space, it's fine. For example, the guy who had his foot under the seat in front of me. When I asked him to move, he said oh, well, I need to stretch out my leg. I replied "I'm happy to get up so that you can walk."

I hear humming Metallica helps.

I'm taking a few eps to get me through the trip.

A cute picture of a baby with a funny caption: [link]