The experience was scarring. "I felt a sense of failure that I had to call my parents from the hospital," Bialik continues. "Yes, I know vaginal birth in the hospital is the next best thing to a home birth." She considers me, knowing my story. "It's not like when people have a C-section."

I point out that natural childbirth in the hospital — her "failure" — was my best-case scenario. But I also understand when she says, "Everyone is allowed her own sense of loss." She realized her vision when her second son was born at home

I honestly don't know how Blayik intended that statement -- as presented, I can't get a good sense of tone; it's ambiguous, to me.

ETA: and xpost with Trudy.

But you don't know that was snide, you can't hear her tone of voice.

I think if you'd had a C-section, and dealt with a lot of moms who treated you like you'd let down their side, and were somehow not really part of the club, you might feel differently about that.

Taffy doesn't seem offended.

Well good for Taffy. I, on the other hand, being a whole OTHER person, don't like hearing a person talk about how they felt like failure because of how she gave birth and then saying, "it's not like when people have a c-section."

And having read other articles/columns by or about Mayim and listened to other members of the Holistic Women's what-the-fuck-ever it's called, they *do* believe that a c-section IS a failure in a successful birth. Considering I got a kid that rocks mine and other worlds on a daily basis, I'm going to call it a hands down success and she can suck my dick.

No it doesn't. The fact that she brings it up means that someone called and asked her about home birth stuff for an article. We don't even know who brought it up, really. It could have been the questioner.

We'll have to agree to disagree. I stand by it being callous and wrongheaded and a lot of other not nice things.

Trudy, I am a vegetarian. When people ask me about eating meat, I do NOT say, "there are some of us who think, but I don't, that meat is murder and it's cruel no matter what and that people who eat meat deserve to be punished." And if I did, I'd completely deserve any crap I got for it, because it's IRRELEVENT if it isn't part of MY opinion. Which, is what I am being asked because I am not a professional and so it's just my opinion.

Bialik is not a doctor. She was asked her opinion, and she brought up some really ugly ideas. She did NOT have to bring them up to the mother in question. There was no fucking reason to except to make someone feel like a failure.

I don't disagree with that, Amy.

After 5 weeks of FT stepmomming, I am so glad that the whole birth thing is simply not an option for me. It seems so fraught, and weird. I've been reading more about all aspects of motherhood, stepmotherhood and parenting than I ever thought I would and the whole thing is bananas.

B-A-N-A-N-A-S

I'm also more glad than ever that I (1) have the opportunity to be a signifigant part of a kid's life and (2) fucking-A happy I don't do it full-time. It is NOT for me FT. Two contradictory emotions, but I feel them equally.

ETA: To clarify, I mean all the different camps and fights and do and do-not's are bananas. Not parents or having kids.

The thing that really gets me about Akner's birth story is that she says she decided against an epidural because she read "somewhere that they sometimes slow dilation. That's the last thing I needed."

So she eschews one form of medical assistance and instead chooses a shot of Stadol which causes her hallucinations. I'm sure the doctor got her permission to administer that, although she doesn't implicitly say she agreed to it. And she places the blame firmly on the doctor by saying "he came up with a solution for the pain--the narcotic Stadol."

I'm fairly certain her contempt for her doctor is skewing the story--especially the part about breaking her water without saying a word to her. I just find it hard to swallow it all from her point of view.

Maybe Balik doesn't believe in the evolutionary survival theory but I get pretty tired of how blithely holistic birth advocates forget that the leading cause of death of women of childbearing age used to be CHILDBEARING.

I'm a non-mother and have no plans to become one, and I'm offended as fuck that we have a culture that says anyone "failed" at birth. Anyone.

What amych said.

I think if you'd had a C-section, and dealt with a lot of moms who treated you like you'd let down their side, and were somehow not really part of the club, you might feel differently about that.

Yes, but your feeling might not be an accurate assessment of what was being said by this particular person at this particular time.

It's shitty to be treated shitty, but that doesn't mean that everyone who subesquently says something similar is being nasty.

I'm a non-mother and have no plans to become one, and I'm offended as fuck that we have a culture that says anyone "failed" at birth. Anyone.

Hey look, amych and I are as one in this! And I say this as someone who knows a mother who feels VERY cheated that her birth experience wasn't the home birth that she had elaborately planned.