Are black and white off limits? What sort of gift is appropriate?

White is generally off limits. The old-fashioned rule is that you don't wear black to a wedding, but that one seems to be fading a bit. For the gift, ask if they've got a registry.

I think that the burden of proof is on her for this one.

I'm with Jars. A quick jaunt through Google shows nothing but Newsweek articles patiently repeating over and over again that Obama is Christian, not Muslim (usually adding, "Not that there'd be anything wrong with it if he were Muslim; it's just that he isn't"), and I found one article from during the primaries about what a solid and consistent supporter of Israel he'd been during his time in the Senate and how every pro-Israel group in the US thought he was pure awesomecakes. Your coworker's common knowledge doesn't seem to be either.

Jars, pretty dress, but if you go for that you'd probably need a colorful scarf or shoes or both -- white is definitely frowned on at USian weddings, and the frowniness has slopped over to anything too close to white. OTOH, if the bride is one of those rare awesome people who's decided to get married in red or something and has announced it beforehand, then you can probably wear whatever the hell you want (except red).

WTF is she talking about?

I think that the burden of proof is on her for this one.

I thought maybe there was some new crazy muslim story, but I just looked all through Newsweek, and except for some blogs, they are pretty much debunking. She is terrified, though, and told me that the underlying premise in all wars is religion (I said it was power) and that Hitler and Mussolini started wars because of religion and wanting to get rid of the churches, and she thinks Obama is going to do the same.

The reason this bothers me is that she is a smart woman and a kind woman and a person with a strong sense of ethics, and a pretty much average lower middle class American, and if they are all being brainwashed, we are never going to get anywhere in this country, and that is scary to me.

For the gift, ask if they've got a registry.

Aha! Good plan. I'll ask my MIL next time G calls home.

Jars, pretty dress, but if you go for that you'd probably need a colorful scarf or shoes or both -- white is definitely frowned on at USian weddings, and the frowniness has slopped over to anything too close to white.

Hmm, thanks. Maybe I'll try and find something with a brighter colour or a floral print or something.

Sophia, do you have the kind of relationship with her where you can just bluntly say to her what you just said to us? "I think you're a smart, kind and ethical person, and it bothers me that I can show you the Newsweek website and you can still believe what you've been told and disbelieve your own eyes and ears and brain. How can I have more faith in your wisdom than you do?"

Poking my head for a quick sec between working-on-the-weekend and preparations for shabbat because, according to the Buffista Calendar, tomorrow, the 10th, will be Sox' birthday, and I won't be near any sort of computer to wish her all sorts of good things she deserves on time. So lots of early wishes, today already!

As, of course, are timely wishes for short pleasant Fridays and lovely weekends all around.

Also, I'd say heels are definitely not required for a beach wedding, black tie or not. Dressy flats should be just fine.

OMG Sophia. I just don't even know.

I don't particularly think of sleeveless as a work issue, but that might be Jamaica talking.

I think it's one of my weird old-lady opinions, so I would never try to impose it on anyone, which is why I'm secretly (not-so-secretly) glad when someone else does.

For the beach wedding, I'd say either flats or wedges. If you're just on the actual beach for the blessing, it should be brief. Or I bet women will have heels that they just take off for that part.

Don't they usually put down some kind of wooden floor over the sand for fancy beach weddings?