thank you everyone. being able to post here is a HUGE help.

Whatever you need, msbelle. It's here for you.

What sarameg said.

I wish there was more we could do, msbelle. Mac is blessed to have a woman with your strength as his mother.

Absolutely.

{{{{msbelle}}}}

Yup, that`s the great thing about `ffistas. We`re the support group that goes with you.
 
In trivial news, I`m watching tivo of the Blackhawks game, but it`s the Minnesota Wild station feed. So far there`s been an ad for how well Toyota AWD cars drive in snow, one for ice fishing clothing, and one where the hotel rate is the previous day`s temperature. I think it might be cold up there.

Random: I've been going through boxes of shelves, candleholders and such and been reluctant to hang them. They're nice, my style, etc. But I'm leaving them alone. Why?

And I thought a bit and it because they were in some sense a means of making temporary home. For 12 yrs. But the thing is, my home, my house? Isn't temporary any longer. Even with bare walls, it suits me perfectly. I look back at what I posted upon seeing it, emails, and oh lord, I was so gone. So I'm giving more thought. Sure, it's mine, I can change it. But this is a part of the new life that's been crafted in the past year and I'm disinclined to clutter it from old just because I have it available. I may even part with stuff that made my old home home. Because with this home, it is HOME, all caps, without most of the stuff. There's new to be done. I don't need to carve my mark into white walls. These walls are mine, and the years before.

It's odd.

Oh, dude I seriously relate. There`s barely anything on the walls because...okay I don`t know the because. Because I don`t have to. Because it`s already home, under the trappings of home. But I have a special shelf for my grandmother`s teapot. And it`s in daily use too because it can be. Love.

Wishing you easier times ahead, msbelle.