It was all our fault but only our trusty minions paid.

You missed your calling as a Wall-Street executive.

Now that I`m remembering it, it is also clear to me that my best friend`s neighbor boy must have had a crush on me. He lied not once but twice to get me out of trouble. Once he erased my name on the board and wrote his over it, but the teacher remembered and I still had to stay in from recess. But this time he lied and said I wasn`t involved in the fighting even though I`m pretty sure he was sporting an injury I`d inflicted at the time. That one worked and I never got busted, despite corroborating evidence from other kids. Terrible! I remember me and my crush boy co-conspirator gloating, but it didn`t occur to me at the time why I had escaped unscathed.

I'd like to say all four of my scars came from fighting pirates

You're not seriously saying you only have four scars, Gud? You can still see the scar I got from the cut on my forehead from being born, and my life just went on like that from there.

I still think I win for overseas travel: dented by a dhow, damnit.

What's a dhow?

Well, my first attempt at pizza was an unmitigated failure, but the tequila sunrise was delicious.

What's a dhow?

I at least knew it was some kind of sailboat.

A dhow (Arabic,داو) is a traditional Arab sailing vessel with one or more lateen sails. It is primarily used to carry heavy items along the coast like fruit, ect. along the coasts of the Arabian Peninsula, Pakistan, India and East Africa.

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Ooo, here's a good stupid one. I went running in Moldova with my host sister. We did one circuit and while waiting to see if she wanted to go again, I jogged backwards, slowly. On an unpaved road. Stepped in a hole, sprained the shit out of my ankle, and that was it for running for a long while. I'm lucky I didn't tear anything, but the ankle does still pop.

You're not seriously saying you only have four scars, Gud?

Pretty much. Only four of any consequence, anyhow.

When I was three I got talked in jumping off the roof by a pretty four year old. Always did have a thing for older women. Umm completely unhurt, and she was completely unimpressed.