I'm with meara. Although there's a lot less might in my answer.

Raq - I was so stunned, I just sat there, staring. I think she was a bit in shock when she realized what she had done, as I sat there, unmoving, holding my cheek.

After she was in pjs and brushed teeth, she came to me and said, in that halting, hiccup-y breathing, "muh-uh-mommy, I am sorry for suh-uh-lapping you and suh-uh-screaming at you." so I took her back on my lap and said I forgave her and we talked about what hands are NOT for (hitting and slapping and hurting) and what hands are for (eating and playing and holding and hugging) and then she went to bed.

Of course, the parental guilt is there. The second-guessing of child-rearing methods, of the occasional spanking, of where in the world in our 5 years as parents and child did Joe and I somehow make her think that slapping anyone, let alone a parent, was an option when she was angry. I know in my brain that she was acting on frustration and that at 5, impulse control is not her strong suit nor her friend. But in my heart, I feel like she learned it from me. t insert bad 80's PSA - "I learned it by watching you, dad!"

(I know, right?)

ETA: Oh shit, that was directed at Meara, not you, Aims!

For your post I have only an "I was beaten a bunch and have pretty much never been violent with anyone so your premise is full of holes and you can stop guilting now."

When I was a babysitter, I was hit over the head with a child's rocker by a 5-year-old. It wasn't even the kid I was babysitting. I was on my knees playing with one of the kids and a neighbor kid hit me from behind. I wonder if Lisa has made the most-wanted list yet.

After she was in pjs and brushed teeth, she came to me and said, in that halting, hiccup-y breathing, "muh-uh-mommy, I am sorry for suh-uh-lapping you and suh-uh-screaming at you." so I took her back on my lap and said I forgave her and we talked about what hands are NOT for (hitting and slapping and hurting) and what hands are for (eating and playing and holding and hugging) and then she went to bed.

You're such a good Mother, Aims.

You're such a good Mother, Aims.

Seriously

Thanks guys, but I have to give credit where credit is due - she was sent home with a coloring/activity book called "Hands are not for Hitting" from school. I was just reiterating what it said.

That's what a good mom does, uses every tool , hint, or trick.

Don't take it as a judgment of your mothering, Aimee. All kids hit/bite/push/kick on occasion. A 5 yo still doesn't have much impulse control. FWIW I think her tears and heartfelt apology when she realized what she'd done are more important.

Isaac did something similar a couple weeks ago. He punched me in the gut, just a week or so after my surgery and right on the surgical site. I don't think he had any idea he was aiming for it--my groin just happens to be at his shoulder height. Anyway, I yelped in pain and doubled over, and he burst into tears and started trying to comfort me.

Thanks guys, but I have to give credit where credit is due - she was sent home with a coloring/activity book called "Hands are not for Hitting" from school. I was just reiterating what it said.

If all it takes to keep parents from flipping the hell out on their kid is a coloring book I'mma go order a metric fuckton of those and toss them out of helicopters.

You taught her about more than what to do with hands today. You taught her about staying cool, about loving someone even when they hurt you, about consequences.

Most of all, I think, you taught her that she can trust you. You taught her respect by respecting her. She fucked up and you responded with compassion. Good Mommy.