FWIW, my experience of childbirth involved no shitting, screaming or bleeding (until it turned into an emergency C, which involved the usual amount of blood for abdominal surgery).

This was Wallybee's experience too, more or less (I can't say it was completely devoid of poo, but that was Ryan's contribution to the process, not the 'Bee's). One thing that kind of surprised me, and it was my sister's comment too, is how dull it was for much of the time.

I always thought screaming during childbirth would be counterproductive. I didn't want a headache on top of it.

I have three kids and each L&D was very different. None of them are anything I would have wanted to filmed to show every Christmas, for reasons that don't really have anything to do with more than modesty, but they certainly weren't horror shows.

And with something like childbirth, there's so much emotional content attached, it's hard to separate that from a really objective "Wow, this hurts" perspective. Bringing a whole new human being into the world doesn't seem like something you should be able to do without a bit of sweat, honestly.

I feel like the way it's been described in this thread makes it sound like something out of a Saw movie.

I am NOT laughing at anyone's childbirth experience, but this description made me cackle loudly enough to make the sleeping dalmatian wake up, give me the stinkeye, and then go back to sleep.

ION, within the past 2 hours or so, all of my joints have started aching. That's just weird. Is there a pill for that? Or a recommended alcoholic beverage?

Maybe just the microwave not!rice-filled sock and bed.

Oh, I should add that all I know about childbirth I learned from TV and movies, so I assume delivery is 90 seconds of scream, scream, push, and ta-da! Strawberry yogurt-covered 3-month-old baby!

...it's not really like that, is it? Because I don't think any woman should be manufacturing yogurt of any flavor.

For the most part, Em's birth was pretty awesome. Contractions were something to CONQUERED AND PUT IN THEIR PLACE! I was so focused that I think I only swore once.I was surrounded by a fantastic medical and nursing staff and loving husband and best friends.

Now.

Everything that I had written down as the WORST THINGS TO HAPPEN! happened. I had to have pitocin (thankfully AFTER the epidural), I did poop while pushing (my total fault for getting Baja Fresh while I was totally laboring at home- idiot), I ended up having to have a C-Section (Em's fault for not dropping EVER and going into my pelvis with her ear to her shoulder.).

OTOH, I slept all the way through active labor and transition and woke up to Tom Ridge resigning on CNN. So that was awesome. The women in my family have that effect on governmental figuers - I was born the day Nixon resigned.

Anywhoodle - all of that is to say that while there were lots of very ... I don't know, I guess lots of people who see them as "degrading" ... things happened, to me they were a part of the process and in the end, having my daughter was well worth the embarassment of crapping myself.

Now, would I begrudge any woman reading this and saying, "Hell to the FUCK NO!" on having kids? Nope. But I don't know that this offers a different perspective, so much as a telling of events.

Where does that line of "different perspective" vs. "Personal experience" get drawn? They seem different to me somehow, the latter seeming more official? maybe?

I feel like the way it's been described in this thread makes it sound like something out of a Saw movie.

That is pretty hilarious, because my best friend just had a baby 2 1/2 weeks ago, and she called about 90 minutes after giving birth, and asked me and smonster to come to the hospital and to bring her a Chik-Fil-A sandwich. We got there, and she was still in the delivery room, and the baby was all swaddled and less than two hours old, and hadn't had her bath yet, and my friend C. was wrapped in blankets, but riding high on adrenaline, and starving, and really wanted a chicken sandwich.

After a while holding the baby, taking pictures, etc., a nurse comes in and says that they have to take her to get her first bath, and move my friend to a regular room. The nurse turned to me and smonster and was all, ..."You should probably go to the waiting room. There's a lot of blood under those blankets." And C's husband actually said, "Yeah, it's like one of the Saw movies under there." C. (the one who actually gave birth) was all, "Mmmm...chicken sandwich." I'm not saying she wasn't sore, but I think adrenaline and other hormones were running pretty high at that moment, and she was feeling pretty good, all things considered.

I was so focused that I think I only swore once.

I love that this is your gold standard of focus.

When I broke my arm and they were x-raying and setting the bone, I actually yelled, "motherfucker" and bit one of the radiology techs on the shoulder. (Not hard enough to break the skin!) That was when they gave me morphine. I can't even imagine what I would say/do during labor.

I'm not saying she wasn't sore, but I think adrenaline and other hormones were running pretty high at that moment, and she was feeling pretty good, all things considered.

God, I remember that with Ben. And then about four hours later, craaaaaaash.

I was so focused during his L&D, I actually didn't talk. The nurses would ask me stuff, and I would look at S., and he would answer them. Really weird and zen, which is not me at all, to be honest.

When I broke my arm and they were x-raying and setting the bone, I actually yelled, "motherfucker" and bit one of the radiology techs on the shoulder. (Not hard enough to break the skin!) That was when they gave me morphine. I can't even imagine what I would say/do during labor.

I'm guessing it starts with "M".