Wow, that was rough. I got to the funeral home before the official calling hours, because (1) I'm family, and (2) I knew I'd probably lose my shit and I wanted to do so before people other than the immediate family arrived.

So I got there, found Tim, and avoided the casket. But eventually I needed to go up before other people arrived, so I did. And I lost my shit entirely. Part of it was that I had never seen her without her oxygen cannula on, and seeing her without it was just a jolt. Part of it was that she looked very good (I've seen some people who don't look all that good at the visitation) -- her face looked a little fuller and not as pale as she was the last time I saw her.

And then part of it is because, well, she's dead. God damn it.

So I lost it, but actually probably not all that dramatically, and I went in the family area where there was water and such, and pulled myself together. And then I was more or less fine for the next 4 hours (my dad came, and my mom and stepdad [not all 3 together], and I got to introduce them to the family, which was nice, if odd).

And then at the end, when it was just the immediate family again, the funeral director told us to take as long as we needed to say goodbye, and I lost my shit again. Tim, on the other hand, was a trouper. He was fine all night. Later, he said to me, "This is the easy part, because there are rituals to follow, and stuff to do, and people to talk to. The hard part is going to be later. Like November." (His birthday and his mom's are in November.)

We came home and there was quiche in the fridge that his boss had made. Joy! t edit Not that his boss snuck in with the quiche; Tim brought it home from work before he went out to the funeral home.

"This is the easy part, because there are rituals to follow, and stuff to do, and people to talk to. The hard part is going to be later. Like November."

Yeah, Novembers suck that way.

{[Steph}} those are not hugs -- they are brackets of support . Maybe I like I-beams would be better

Glad you got through it, Steph, and that there was quiche.

Billions of good thoughts headed out to you and Tim. I'm so glad you have each other.

And I think Tim's good-hearted quiche-making boss should go to your workplace and give some lessons in acting like a compassionate human being toward grieving co-workers; or possibly just resoundingly crack some heads together.

{{{Teppy and Tim}}} I have felt the way Tim felt when I have lost people. Getting through the wake and funeral you take comfort in knowing what to expect and when that is over everything really hits you.

We're home from the Cape. I really loved the wedding site we visited and I wish the trip could have been longer.

Debet, I'm sorry to hear that.

Steph, I'm glad you got through the visitation.

My grandma's funeral was today. My brother let his kids run wild so they woke me up *through earplugs* at 5am and it was non-stop from then 'til now. Enormously frustrating & maddening days. There were a few positive things, too. I need to vent somewhere but I'll spare you the details.

I thought that was the great thing about Bitches. You could vent to a roomful of understanding comadres.

Mom's coming up to visit this weekend. Thankfully barely 2 days of visit (she arrives late Friday night and leaves mid afternoon on Sunday). She's taking Amtrack up from San Diego county. After going through the website, I kinda have the hankering to ride the sleeper car cross country.

Guess what I got in the mail today? A very well-wrapped box full of mac and cheese packets. Thank you, Andi! I can't wait for lunch!

Today The Girl and I have been together for five years. (It really doesn't feel that long.) I would just like to say how unbelievably lucky I am to have a Girl who has stuck by me through thick, thin, mental and physical health issues, wheelchairs and walking aids, searches for accessible housing, job losses, benefits applications, cancelled wedding plans, laziness, grouchiness and demands to remove spiders. (We expect to have wedding vows in which we say "in sickness and in sickness; for poorer and for poorer...") I shall be repeating that all over the internet today. Sorry for boring anyone.

Seska posted this a couple days ago, but I just wanted to repeat it because it's a beautiful way of saying something very important.

Thank you! It's been on my mind a lot since I met up with the friend.

Happy belated to Aims!

I'm sorry about Maggie, Debet.

Dude, you're allowed to cry at a funeral. I rather doubt Tim loves you because of your stoicism.

This. And I hope the funeral and other related things go as well as these things can.